Wanderings
by laurabryannan1
Summary: Post series: 1, Mugen shares his tale. 2, Jin in Nagasaki. 3, Fuu's story. 4, Mugen on the Brightness. 5, Jin and Fuu in Ryukyu. 6, Fuu yearns for Jin. 7, Mugen and the captain. JinMugen in chaps 2, 4 and 5. JinFuu in 6. Mugen's fantasies in 7.
1. Chapter 1

**Wanderings**

by Laura Bryannan

_This story takes place post-series, and is a sequel to all my others. Much grateful thanks to The Lidless Eye for letting me pinch some of the ideas (and a few sentences) from her wonderful story _The Night Before_._

I guess I've gotta be the stupidest motherfucker in the world. I walked away from them and I let them walk away from me. We all figured we'd turn around and find each other again. I thought it, and I'll bet they did too. We said our goodbyes with a wink, expecting that life would bring us back together within a few days as it always has. Well, it didn't happen, did it? I waited a few weeks before I finally gave up.

So, four assholes came after us and we survived it…barely. I ain't even going there to talk about it. Waking up from that was like waking up from the worst nightmare I ever had. The only good thing about it was that we all made it through.

After being knocked on our asses for a week, me and Jin tried to get our shit back together. It was pretty slow going there for a while, as we both got nailed really bad. Fuu kept herself busy looking after us and doing the things she needed to do to settle her father's estate. We just tried to get healthy again. As we got more mobile, we found this spot a ways away, under this big ass tree which was prolly the only thing holding the cliff in place. We'd go there every day and sit, watching the ocean and being quiet together.

I felt bad for him cuz it was clear he really did need his glasses after all. Fuu was wrong about them being just for show. He said his eyesight wasn't really bad, but bad enough that stuff far away looked blurry to him now. I told him he'd prolly be able to find someone in Nagasaki who could make him new ones, but he said that the cost would be beyond his reach at this point.

I gotta say, it was weird to see him without them. I didn't like it. I mean, I was the only one who got to see him like that before he lost them. He'd take them off when we were fooling around and it was like my private, secret Jin I had all to myself. Now anyone could see him like that, and it made me feel jealous, I think. I didn't like sharing his face with the rest of the world.

It was funny how obsessed he seemed to be with the slashes on my cheek. He kept touching them, tracing them with his fingers or his lips. Every time we kissed, he'd always kiss them too.

"You're going to be even _more_ exotic-looking when these heal," he said.

"I look exotic to you?" I asked. He never talked about how I appeared to him. He never told me I was good looking or anything, so it was kinda strange to hear.

"Yes," he replied. "You've always seemed like some magnificent untamed beast to me, although I've never figured out which one…wolf, panther…now you look like a tiger from this side. It's quite amazing, really." I didn't know what to say to that, and I hoped I wasn't blushing, so I just kissed him and tried to believe it.

So, anyway, we spent the weeks we were knitting back together sitting under our tree hanging out. We didn't talk much, but we were always touching. We'd trade off who was the pillow, or lean against each other—touching hands, feet, knees—something always touching. We were reaching for each other all the time, prolly cuz we were way too fucked up for sex. That was a drag! But, I'll admit it was nice just to be with him and have nowhere we had to go. When we got stronger, we'd make out some, but only a bit. Hard-ons are no fun if you can't do anything about them.

We never talked about the future. We never even talked about splitting up; it just seemed understood we were going to. I figured the main reason the government was after us was cuz of me killing that important old dude, so it didn't feel right to keep putting them both in danger any more. Plus, as I said, I really thought we'd find each other again, so I didn't worry about it too much.

Our time together was winding down. Me and Jin could get around again without too much trouble, and I guess we all started feeling antsy and knew it was time to move along. One of the last days we sat under the tree, we were kissing and then I was snuggling into his shoulder, trying to memorize his smell. I decided on a parting shot…something that had been an unspoken no-no between us since we became lovers. I started to suck up a bruise on his neck, where it would show. He didn't stop me. Hot damn! I made it a big nasty one too, I was proud to see. When I backed away, he was wincing, but looking at me hungrily.

"I want to do one on you, too," he said, rubbing the spot where I put it. "I've never done it before though…." I wasn't surprised to hear that, but it made me feel special anyway. I tilted my head back to offer and he leaned in. I shivered as I felt his lips trail along my neck, trying to find the best place, then…_yeowch!_ He began, and I had to hold my breath to keep from whimpering.

"Hey, less teeth," I complained; they were fucking sharp. He chuckled, but didn't change his technique. I wondered if I hurt him that much every time I did it to him. He finally let go and I sighed in relief. "A little payback, huh?" I noted, and he just smiled at me, all smug. He reached out and stroked it, and I grabbed my tanto to see it in the reflection. It looked all warped from the curve of the blade, but I could tell he did a pretty good job. It was so cool!

When we wandered back to the house that evening, Fuu was waiting for us. I haven't been talking about her much cuz she was basically avoiding us. Every time I tried to sit down with her to snuggle or hang out, she blustered herself away in a few moments. I didn't feel like I had any right to pester her or ask her what was up, so I didn't. I mean, she had a lot going on…worrying about us and dealing with seeing her dad get murdered just after she met him again. I thought she'd want to talk about it, but I guess she decided I wasn't the one to do it with. It felt weird but, hey, it wasn't like we were officially anything, so I didn't feel like I had the right to make her deal with me. We walked in the house and she smiled at us. She was looking all blushy and more herself than I'd seen her in a while. She saw our bruises and her eyes went wide.

"Don't tell me you guys…." I grinned and jumped her, pulling her head sideways with her hair. I held on tight and started sucking one up on her neck too, only closer to her shoulder so it wouldn't show.

"OW! Mugen! You jerk!" she screeched, trying to escape. I didn't let her go until I'd made a nice one. Then I kissed her and she kissed me back, and it was yummy as usual. I didn't let her go till I felt satisfied. One last time….

"I have some gifts I'd like to give you both, before we part," she said when we finished, her voice kinda shaky. We were already wearing her father's clothes, so I couldn't figure out what was up. She opened up this big chest in the corner, pulled out a whole lot of bundles and put them on the floor. The thing was so deep, I thought she was gonna fall in, trying to reach what was at the bottom.

Then she pulled out a long bundle, obviously a sword or maybe even a gun. As she unwrapped it we could see. Holy shit! It was probably her father's daisho! The sheaths and hilts were fucking beautiful. She took the katana and held it out to Jin. His mouth dropped open and his eyes went wide.

"I'm keeping the wakazashi for myself, but I would like you to have this, Jin. Thank you for taking such good care of me on our journey together. I will never forget your kindness," she said, not looking up at him.

He pulled her into his arms. "Oh Fuu, you're so very welcome. Thank you for this precious gift. I don't know what to say…." He kissed the top of her head, and I could tell she was crying.

After a few moments, she pushed away from him, and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "Oh man, I really wanted to get through this without being such a baby!" She peeked at me for half a second, almost as if it was hard for her to do. "I have two gifts for you, Mugen," she said, handing me a hunk of red cloth. "I tried to mend your gi, but it was impossible. The cloth was ripped up in too many places, so I made you this." I shook it out and could see it was the coolest dobuku in the exact color of red I like the best! "I tried to pick off the triangle on the back of your old one, but the silk just unraveled on me. If you like I can make another to put on this one."

"That's OK, Fuu. It's great the way it is! Thanks so much." I immediately stripped off the boring yukata I'd been wearing and put it on. It fit perfect! I reached for her, but she shook her head and turned to the chest again. She pulled out another long bundle and my stomach got fluttery. _A sword for me too?_ Holy shit! She handed it to me, and backed away out of my reach. I unwrapped it and couldn't believe my eyes. It was the strangest looking sword I'd ever seen, but it was so fucking cool! I immediately fell in love with it.

"This sword belonged to my father as well," she said. "He got it from a trader many years ago, long before I was born. I guess it was owned by a famous European king, and stolen by pirates or something…. I'm not really sure."

I smiled to myself. The girl can't lie for shit, but it was OK. I really liked the sword, and I could tell by the scabbard that it _was_ an old one, so maybe her story wasn't as full of shit as she thought it was. I was blown away by how much it meant—how much it would _really_ help—for her to gift us like that. She still wasn't looking me in the eye, so I had to get up and go over to her to give her a hug.

"Thanks for everything, you yummy bitch," I whispered in her hair. She just cried on my shoulder for a while and that was cool by me. It felt good to hold her again. I was missing it. She tried to push away from me, but I wouldn't let her until she had calmed down again. She blew her nose in her hanky and heaved a big sigh.

"Well, just one more day…." she sighed, looking kinda pitiful. We all eyed each other and nodded. "Let's have some dinner, OK?" she suggested. "I need something to take my mind off things."

We ate, but it was a quiet meal, and we went to bed early, even me. We were all hiding in our own heads and it was too hard to try and make conversation.

I woke up the next morning, made myself some tea, and then headed out to our spot. Before I got there I heard a strange kind of banging going on, so I wondered what was happening. As I got nearer, I saw Jin sitting there, pounding some charred firewood on a rock for some damn reason. He didn't even look up until I sat down next to him.

"Mugen, I have a favor to ask you," he said.

"Ask away." He was looking kinda strange, so I got a bit worried.

"I want you to mark me before we part," he stated.

I was confused. "But you've got a bigass mark of mine on you already," I smiled. "I don't get it."

"No, a permanent mark. I want you to cut your name…here on my arm." He pulled his sleeve back and showed me where, on his left inner forearm, just below his elbow. I got chills up my back, and felt all woogy in my stomach.

"M-My name?" I stammered.

"Well, your sign for your name. The interconnected loops…you know, don't you?"

I knew what he meant, but I was still freaked out by the request. "You really want me to do that?" I had to be sure. He nodded solemnly, and I decided, _what the hell?_ The idea made me hot, for some reason, and I was so blown away by it, I wondered if he'd do the same for me.

"Let me practice a bit first. What are we gonna do it with?" I asked. He handed me his tanto and whetstone. I started trying to draw it in the dirt with the point of his knife. "How big do you want it?"

"As big as you need to make it so you can do it cleanly. Scars spread as they age. If it's too small it will turn into a blob. So, perhaps a few inches long."

I practiced a bit more while he ran his fingers through the pile of charcoal dust he had made. My curiosity got the better of me. "What's that for?"

"I'll use it to pour into the wound. It will stain it. Skin like mine doesn't scar easily, so it will need to be irritated if I don't want it to fade away eventually. The wood ash is caustic, so it will help make the scar permanent."

I shuddered. "How do you know so much about this?"

He smiled at me but shook his head. "Do it first, before I lose my nerve, and then I'll tell you if you wish," he said.

I got the tip of his tanto all honed up, wiped my hands on my pants and took a deep breath. "I can do it in two strokes, K?"

He nodded and held his arm out, bracing it on his leg. It's weird how I can cut someone down without a second thought, but this felt like something totally different. I knew I had to move fast or my hands were gonna be shaking too much to do it right, so I just held my breath and did it. I swear, it felt like sex, it made me so horny to cut him like that! We both heaved a sigh of relief when it was done, and he immediately covered it with the black ash. I helped him wrap it up, and then he gave me this look that made my heart flip over inside my chest.

"Thank you, Mugen. I'm very grateful you were willing to do this for me," he said, and then he kissed me in that seme way he does sometimes. Made me even hornier, the bastard!

When he backed away, I caught his lower lip in my teeth, and he opened his eyes. "Do me, now!" I demanded.

His eyes widened and he looked concerned. "Oh, Mugen. I don't expect you to do this simply because I wanted it."

"No, I want you to. Your name means something good, right? Kind…giving…something like that, right?" He made a wry face, as if he thought the words didn't describe him, but they did, at least to me. "Come on, I want your name in the same place. Will you do it?" I asked.

He looked at me, but I could tell he was inside himself and not really seeing me, so I waited for him. He finally spoke after a minute or so. "Jin is not my real name. Oh, it's what everyone has called me since I was a child—no one has called me anything else—but it isn't my name. I want you to be aware of that," he said. I didn't know it. I asked him what it was, and he sighed. "It's a horrible name. My father's last insult to me, I imagine. It was found in the estate documents sent to me after he died when I was ten. Master was kind, and suggested that perhaps it was given me as a warding—an awful name to keep the gods from being jealous—but he knew my father, and I could see that he didn't really believe it either.

"I feel you should know what you're asking me to mark you with—that it isn't my official name. But since you know nothing about the history of this country or my family, it will be meaningless to you, so I honestly have no idea why I'm even saying this." He sighed, and looked at me like he was hoping I'd tell him to forget it, but I wasn't going to. I sat there waiting, but he still seemed hesitant to say it. I raised my eyebrows and poked him with my toe. "Oh, all right." He sighed again. "It's Katsuyori."

Nope, I couldn't imagine calling him that name in a million years, and it _was_ meaningless to me. I shrugged my shoulders and he looked relieved…really, _really_ relieved. His reaction seemed strange, but I didn't want to bother with it just then. I held my arm out. "Do it," I ordered again.

He took the tanto and did some practicing in the dirt too. Then he honed the tip once again, and looked at me. "My name will take four strokes. Can you deal with that?" I nodded. He came over, knelt between my legs and cut me, quick as lightening. It didn't hurt that much, really, I was kinda surprised. Before I knew it, he had dumped the charcoal into it, tied it up, and it was done. It made me feel so close to him, I wanted to fuck his brains out. Too bad our bodies wouldn't let us. Life can really suck sometimes.

"So tell me about all this. How do you know so much?" I was getting more and more curious. There was obviously some energy around it for him, I could tell.

He smiled kinda wistfully. "There was a practice at the dojo to assign older boys to mentor the younger ones. When I arrived there at age seven the boy who looked after me was twelve. His name was Harumasa, and he was my official big brother until he left the dojo shortly before he turned eighteen. He was very kind to me and I adored him. When I got older, I had a romantic crush on him as well, although I kept it to myself. He was in love with another boy a year younger than him for the last three years he was at the dojo. I took vicarious pleasure in witnessing that relationship, and he shared many of his experiences and feelings about it with me.

"Anyway, it was a secret practice among the students at the dojo to do these kinds of claimings, especially when two lovers were parting to return to their families and adult life. When Haru was leaving, he and Taiji decided to exchange markings, and allowed me to watch. I thought it was so moving and wonderful, the gesture stayed with me all this time. I couldn't help but want you to do this for me. And…I'll admit I'm pleased you wished me to mark you as well." He actually blushed a bit when he said it, so that pretty much blew me away.

"The lore of how to do it was well known among the older boys," he continued. "The various ways to keep the skin irritated and force the scar to raise and become more prominent. I won't disgust you with all the methods employed, but it was Haru's opinion that using charcoal was the best. I never saw Haru's mark, but Taiji's turned out very well, as he proudly kept me appraised of it's progress after Haru left. I thought he was so lucky to have it." He sighed, and shook his head.

"I'm rambling again. What I meant to say was, even though your skin appears to scar easily, if you want this mark to take you'll need to keep worrying it and not let it heal for a while. Pull the scab and continue to add wood ash, until it's looking the way you want."

"Got it…nii-san," I said.

He gasped and blushed again, looking at me with the greatest I-can't-believe-you-just-said-that-but-I-love-it expression. "Oto-chan," he whispered, reaching for me. We did some serious making out then, til it became too painful to continue. It was a real drag that we were going to go our separate ways the next day without being able to fuck, but there was nothing to be done about that.

I've noticed that when my body experiences a certain amount of pain—not enough to knock me on my ass, but a certain amount—I get kinda stupid and giggly after. It's almost like I'm drunk or something. I noticed Jin was pretty not-himself too, so I guess he was affected the same way. So we were both stupid and giggly as we walked back to Fuu's house and it was great. It took us twice the time it usually takes to walk back because we kept stopping to make out along the way. Just two stupidasses, moaning from the kisses, groping and grinding, but yelping when one of us grabbed the other too tight or moved the wrong way too quickly. Gut wounds are a fucking drag!

I was glad our time together that evening was the opposite of the night before. Me and Jin were still feeling silly and I guess it was contagious, cuz Fuu got giggly too, and we all had fun talking at dinner and after. It was kinda like our time after Okuru and in Aki, so it was really good. I think by that point we were ready to throw ourselves to the four winds and see what happened next. We all shared smooches before we went to bed and it felt right. Complete somehow.

Walking away from each other the next day almost felt like a game. I headed off to get something to eat and then went back to our tree. It seemed like the most obvious place to hang if I wanted to find him again but, man, he never showed up! I couldn't believe it. I waited for over a week, then realized he'd be there by now if he had wanted to find me. I was getting pretty bummed out, I'll admit.

The only thing that kept me sane was the fact that I found his juban. He'd thrown it out, and I found it in a pile of other stuff before it got to the midden. Many times mended, bloodstained and missing one arm but, ohhhhh, it smelled of him! I don't know what happened to his kimono—maybe he kept it himself—but his juban became my most precious possession. I was so glad I found it! I really wanted to sleep with it, but I was afraid it would end up smelling more like me than him eventually, so I only let myself smell it and not hold it.

And then I found something at the bottom of my sack of stuff—something wrapped in a bit of silk. I knew I didn't put it there, so I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. I pulled it out, heard a clink and my breath caught. I opened it up and there was five ryu! Hot damn! There was a note, written simply enough that I could read it. _Use wisely. Thank you for everything. Love Fuu._ I could see why she did it that way, cuz I would never have taken any money from her if she had tried to give it to me face to face. But, man, it sure would come in handy! My body was still too fucked up to do the get-money-from-being-mugged game I'd been playing lately. I wasn't all that confident I could kick anyone's ass just then, so it was really cool. It made it easier to deal with my life at that point, no doubt about it.

So I sat moping for a week then decided I was gonna go back to Ryukyu. And once the idea came into my head it felt like the exact right thing to do. But something wanted me to go back to the place where the whole shebang started before I left, for some reason. It was weird, but I decided to do it.

I paid for a ride back to the big island and spent the day sitting on the breakwater where we first bumped into Mister Hand of God…whoever the fuck he was. I was feeling all jittery and strange, and couldn't figure out what was up with me. I kept pacing up and down the rocks, and then something pulled me to the little pier that was jutting out there. I climbed down to it and walked to the end. I stood there for a while and stared out at the water, but the feeling was still bugging me. I turned and started to walk back when something caught my eye at the bottom—something shiny. I knelt down and tried to see. If it was money, I could always use more, so it was worth checking out.

Then, oh my fucking god! It was his glasses! I couldn't believe it! The day was cool, but I didn't give a shit. I dropped my sword and my stuff, stripped to my pants, and carefully lowered myself in the water, keeping an eye on where they were. It wasn't super deep, so I was able to dive down and get them. I practically started crying when I pulled myself out with them in my hand. It made me so damn happy, I was hoping it was a sign or something—that I'd find him again and be able to give them to him. But, in the meantime, they became another treasure of his I got to keep. And the jittery feelings were gone too. What a fucking relief!

I took some of the money Fuu gave me and bought passage on this trading ship that was heading south, and would stop at Ryukyu. The weather was getting colder. I figured it was time to get the hell out of Japan and head home again. Something was really calling me to do it. They said it was gonna take a day or so longer than usual, because they were putting to port at just about every island on the way. No big deal, and the fare wasn't bad.

I spent the first night below decks, just resting. It was too damn cold to hang topside, and I didn't have any warm clothes. I found myself continually stroking the scar on my arm. It was becoming a habit—very comforting to have there to touch. I'd been bothering and messing with it like I was supposed to, and it was turning out really good. Sometimes I'd just sit there and stare at it, thinking about him, but mostly I would run my fingers along it every so often. It made me feel less alone, in a strange way.

Anyway, the next day we sailed out of the port we'd been in overnight and a squall came up a few hours later. I was topside, and could see that some stuff wasn't getting handled. Kinda made me nervous, you know? So I jumped to it, and did what I could see needed to be done—tied things up, lashed stuff down—trying to make sure nothing was gonna get fucked up more by the wind. The storm blew over pretty quickly, which was cool, so I was just standing there when I heard a deep voice call out.

"I see you know your way around a ship," said someone in Ryukyuian, amazingly enough! Heavily accented, but my own language. It had been so long since I heard it spoken, it took me a second to get my brain to figure out a response.

I turned around and saw this…man. I hope my jaw didn't drop, but I think it might have. Big—taller than Jin, I'll bet—chest and arms twice the size of my own. He had long brown hair to his shoulders with gray at the temples, and not tied up. Bearded, but trimmed pretty short, and there was gray in his beard too. I'm not good at guessing, and sea life ages folks, but I was thinking he was in his mid-thirties. I realized I was just standing there staring at him, so I cleared my throat.

"Grew up on 'em," I replied. "Just saw some things that needed doing."

"Yes, I'm grateful. We're unexpectedly short-handed. Two of my crew got drunk at our last port of call and knifed each other. I left them there. I don't have any tolerance for that sort of thing. You want a job?" he asked, smiling. Obviously, the tattoos didn't faze him.

I shook my head and pulled my dobuku up to show him the mess of scars on my belly. "Don't know how much help I can be. I'm not too strong. Still trying to heal," I replied.

"Ah, so you're a swordsman as well, eh?" He actually vaulted over the railing and down to the deck I was on. "Let me introduce myself. I'm the owner and captain of this vessel. Manuel Nunes." He held out his hand and when I did the same he grabbed it and shook it up and down. _OoooKaaay._

"Mon…well?" I tried to sound it out.

"Yes. Very good. And who are you, my helpful friend?" He was still smiling and I was kinda freaking out. The guy was _sooo_ my type, it was scary.

"Uh…the name's Mugen," I managed to say.

"Very happy to meet you, Mugen," he said. "Well, my offer still stands. The pay is fair and we eat well most of the time. I hope you will consider it. We'll be in Ryukyu this afternoon, but we'll only be there long enough to take care of business and then we'll be off again by mid-morning tomorrow. Think about it, won't you?"

"I'll think about it," I answered. Some of his men were shouting for him and he turned and shouted back in a language I didn't understand. Then, with a brief nod to me, he took off and there I was with a lot on my mind all of a sudden.

The main reason I didn't pay any attention to Jin at first wasn't just cuz he seemed like a stuck-up, inhibited dork. He was built too much like me, and I've never been attracted to guys who were built like me. The guys I've always been crazy for are the big ones. Lot's bigger than me…big bear types. Everything I'm not, I guess. This guy was built like that. And, even though he was kinda old, he was still fucking good looking! I immediately felt guilty, as if I was being unfaithful to Jin. Then I beat myself up for being so stupid. I didn't want to fuck him and I wasn't going to fuck him. But it was weird how guilty I felt just cuz he made me hot.

Even though we were docked at Ryukyu, I spent the night on board trying to figure myself out. Something was really pulling me to take the guy up on his offer, but I was torn. I had this other feeling that, if the three of us were ever gonna meet up again, it was gonna be in Ryukyu, so I didn't know what I should do.

In the end, I decided to go with what my gut was telling me. I went topside and stood there looking at the city from the deck. It felt really strange to be back, not like coming home at all. Then I felt eyes on me and I turned around. It was him, of course.

"Well, Mugen, have you decided?" he asked.

"Where are you going? How long till you make it back to Ryukyu?"

"Down the coastline of the mainland and back. I'd say we'll return here in four or five months, weather and good fortune willing."

I cringed inside my head. That was longer than I had figured being gone. It didn't change how I felt inside though. "OK, I'll go," I decided.

to be continued


	2. Chapter 2

**Wanderings, II**

by Laura Bryannan

Why is it that, in hindsight, one can see things so clearly? Why didn't we speak of our plans when we were together? I've asked myself this question over and over again, and have found no adequate answer. We were all in agreement we would separate, even though we never discussed it. I felt it was the right thing to do, as well. It was time to stop putting the two of them in danger any further due to my actions at the dojo.

That man. I won't even dignify him to offer his name. He was a relative…on my father's side, of course. I even met him once, although I didn't recognize him until he told me who he was. I will probably never understand what kind of leverage he had on Master Enshirou to cause him to do what he did, but he was obviously a very powerful person. Why should the government care about me? Master was gone and so was I; they could do with the dojo as they chose.

And why he had orders to kill Fuu and her father was a mystery as well. Was her father that much of a threat? The entire situation made no sense at all. But, it was clear I was the main target, so I knew I needed to go my own way, if only to keep the two of them safe. I tried not to pay attention to how much the decision hurt—how much I didn't _want_ to leave them—but I was quite unsuccessful at that.

After we parted, I immediately took a boat back to the main island and headed to Nagasaki. I wanted to get to a city large enough to get lost in, so I could continue to gain my strength back without worrying about further assassination attempts. It would also be easier to find work in such a place. I believed Mugen would do the same. I _hoped_ Mugen would do the same. I believed he'd want to be somewhere he could hide and heal and work, the same as me. And, once his body was strong and he had money in hand, he'd head to the first brothel he could find and enjoy his freedom from us in his typical fashion.

I had a fleeting urge to stop by our tree before I left, for old time's sake, but decided not to. It seemed an exercise in futility and self-abuse, so I talked myself out of it. I certainly didn't think he'd be there. It was so close to Fuu's house, I didn't believe he'd haunt anywhere she might find him. Well, perhaps that was not completely true. There _was_ another reason I chose not to go.

I thought it highly probable Fuu would return to her father's house after we parted. In the weeks Mugen and I were healing, she was a busy girl. There was a constant stream of sympathizers and curiosity-seekers for her to attend to—all bearing food, flowers and tales of her father. It seemed that everyone who had cared for him was now interested in taking care of her. I was heartened to see it, and hoped she had finally found a community she could settle into where she could be safe and loved.

So, to be honest, I didn't return to our tree for two reasons: one, if he was going to avoid the spot it would be pointless to go; and two, what if I returned and found him, but he was there with her? If I'd discovered they made plans to continue on together without me, it would have been very hard to handle, so I decided I was better off not knowing at all. I decided if he had wanted to be with me, he would have said something about it before we parted. Since he didn't, I made my way to Nagasaki on my own.

The money Fuu hid in my belongings was a big help. It was such a relief to find it. And, of course, there was the sword. I still can't quite accept the grace of her gift, even now. It's hard to believe anyone could care so much, or understand so much. I've never received anything so necessary, so important or so humbling as Fuu's gift of her father's katana. It helped heal me. It helped me feel strong again. I had honestly been heartsick about losing my own, and did not know how I was going to replace it.

Her father's katana felt good in my hands. I liked the heft of it, the balance of it—very similar to my own. But I would still need many more hours of training to truly understand it. I had only just returned to doing my kata days before we parted—a frightening experience, considering how little I could do and how much it hurt to do it—so I knew I had a long way to go before I was anywhere near my old level of ability.

Adjusting to life without my glasses was a struggle as well. I could no longer make out details at a distance. I had not been wearing them long, but they helped so much I'd gotten used to being able to see clearly and felt at a real disadvantage now.

I was still living at the dojo when it became obvious I needed them. Master told me the funds were available—that there had been money set aside by my father in case of emergencies. He helped me locate an artisan and we had them commissioned. I didn't handle the process myself, so I had no real idea what they cost or how to go about replacing them. They arrived one day shortly before The Disaster, and I had been grateful for them ever since. I wasn't sure if I was going to use Fuu's money to buy a new pair, or if it would even be enough, but there was nothing to be done until I reached Nagasaki.

I made it there without incident, thankfully. The first thing I did was to head to the red-light district. Gambling dens, opium dens, brothels…these kinds of establishments usually require bouncers. It took half a day, but I finally landed a position at a brothel. It catered to a wealthy clientele and was in a slightly better part of town than where I began my search. My body wasn't actually up to fighting with anyone, but I wasn't going to tell my employer that. I wanted to save what was left of the money Fuu gave me for new glasses or emergencies, so that meant earning more.

The job threw me off my natural rhythms, as I didn't begin working until late afternoon and had to be there until early the next morning. It took a week before I got used to staying up so late. It was also quite dull, with little use for my services, which was good for my healing process but made it hard to distract myself from the sadness I felt. The gangster who owned the place was reasonably sane, and the madam was kind. The girls were all interesting, each in their own way, although I never got to know any of them…professionally.

"You want your pay in girls or money?" my employer asked.

"Money," I replied, and he looked surprised. "Will that be a problem?" I was concerned by his response.

"Nah, it's just that most want the free pussy," he laughed. "Money it is. If you want to buy a girl, I'll tell Ume to give you a discount. How 'bout that?"

"Um…thank you." I thought it best to be polite even though I doubted I'd take him up on his offer.

And thus I began my new life. I missed my old one very much, of course. And since there was little for me to do each night but sit there and watch the men come and go, there was little to keep my mind off of how much I ached for them or how alone I felt. I kept finding my right hand up my sleeve, touching the scar on my arm. I would do it without even thinking about it. It felt reassuring, and it made me feel close to him, as though I were still his. I wondered about his mark—whether he regretted doing it or not. I wanted to believe he was receiving the same kind of comfort from his as I was from mine.

I spent each evening remembering our journey. I started at the beginning but, for me, the journey really began in Hamamatsu. I'd been feeling lost after Shino was gone. It had been so long since I lay with a woman, I'd forgotten how delicate and soft they were, but the experience itself had been bittersweet. I hadn't planned on being intimate with her, but when she was so forward with me I decided not to argue.

I certainly found her attractive, but it made me sad to make love to her. She was older than I, and yet so inexperienced. It broke my heart to think of her submitting to sex when she clearly didn't know a thing about it. A courtesan, she was not. There was nothing of the playfulness and initiative I had come to expect making love with Rumiko. She lay there trembling as I touched her, cuddled into my shoulder, and she wept after she came. I do believe it may have been the first orgasm of her life. I didn't enter her until after she quieted, and then I stayed with her—rocking against her, touching her—until she had another one. Perhaps it would have been a more satisfying experience if it hadn't made me so heartsick.

Arranging her rescue and carrying it off felt very good. I was also very moved by Mugen's behavior throughout the entire affair—that he gave me his money without a second thought, no questions asked. I was so surprised and grateful, it made me reconsider my negative assessment of his character. And then, when he and Fuu showed up with my swords and he helped us escape, my admiration increased even further.

Perhaps that is why the rest of it happened. I honestly cannot say for certain. But I fell ill the next night and lay abed longer than usual the morning after. He woke me up with the sounds he made masturbating, and the rest is history, as they say. I watched that morning, and the next and the next, when he caught me at it. And once he challenged me, all thoughts of Shino were completely gone from my mind.

After our initial sexplay the following morning, things changed immediately between us. We spent the rest of that day and the next circling each other like two duelists looking for an opening. Neither of us found one. Neither of us approached the other. I caught him watching me and he caught me doing the same, but I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, so I waited. Since I had never even _considered_ that Mugen could be the receptive type, I had not been plotting or thinking about him at all. I did not find him attractive. I admired his skills and was glad to have him at my back in a fight, but I actually found him repulsive in many ways. So we were both waiting, and I was content with that.

The following morning I was returning from doing my kata and, since I was soaking wet from the endless rain, I went back to our room to dry off. I opened the door and there he was! Wearing his pants and shirt, lying on his side, propped up on his elbow. I believe I actually gasped. My body went hot and shaky, and I had to lean against the door for a moment to regain my composure.

I took a deep breath, walked over and knelt next to him. He watched me, but said nothing. I reached out and stroked the most available ass cheek through his pants and he closed his eyes. I marveled at the eloquence in that simple gesture. He was letting me know I could do as I wished. I was completely dumfounded! Continuing to explore with my right hand while my left reached around to untie his pants, I grabbed the waist and he lifted his hips off the futon so I could remove them. Yes indeed, he was most definately letting me know I could do as I wished. I tried to keep my breathing steady, but I'm sure it gave me away.

And then I had the first of what would become many, many heart-rending experiences interacting with Mugen. The scars. I saw the scars on his ass and shook my head in amazement. The six horizontal ones looked old, but the three vertical ones…they were pretty new, and so erotic! I blushed as I looked at them, hoping he couldn't see, and immediately wondered what kind of person would do something like that to _anyone_, let alone him. I traced them, smoothed them…let my hands get to know his ass. But as I reached upwards, something caught my eye and my breath caught in my throat.

I pushed his shirt up in the back, found _more_ scars, and my blood ran cold. These were even older than the ones on his ass, and there were so many. I quickly counted…eleven lash marks! I had never met anyone who had suffered such things before, and it hurt my heart greatly. He was still just a kid, so what could he have done so young to merit this kind of punishment? It was horrifying, but so intriguing. It took me a little while to recover from it all.

I continued to stroke him, enjoying how luscious his ass was. It was so nicely formed and well muscled, considering how thin he was, I felt jealous. He lowered his head to the futon and shifted his position slightly to make his backside more available to me, and I had to smile. I was _so_ surprised he was behaving like this—seductive, submissive—when I had honestly believed him completely seme. I hadn't even questioned it before now and I still didn't quite believe it, but intended to continue and see what happened.

Since he appeared willing, I decided to go ahead and try him out. I took my clothes off, spreading them out on the floor so they would dry, then got the oil from my sharpening kit, making a mental note to go purchase something less costly than sandalwood to use if we were going to keep this up.

As I knelt next to him, he raised his knees slightly and made room for me, and I smiled again. He was surprising me at every turn! I poured a little oil in my palm and dipped my fingers in it, reaching for his ass. When I teased around the opening he began to purr. Mugen really makes this sound like he's purring, I've come to know, but that was the first time I'd ever heard it. It's this raspy kind of noise he does in his throat when he exhales, and purring is honestly the best way to describe it.

So I teased him for a while just to hear him make that amazing sound, and then I slid one finger inside. _Wham!_ My heart took another hit! I was met with absolutely no resistance from his body at all. I tried two fingers and felt yet another blow to the chest. I had never in my life encountered anyone whose ass was…to put it delicately…as available as Mugen's was. I knew he'd spent time in prison but it felt like it had been this way for a long time. Someone had busted him open long ago.

My heart couldn't take it. It felt like the guy was nailing me right and left! He hadn't touched me once, but it felt as though he'd been landing some very effective blows, and I was emotionally reeling. It made me angry. I kept trying to fall into my pattern—my old comfortable pattern of distancing and ritualizing, and he kept grabbing at _me!_ He kept clawing at my heart, and I didn't like it one bit.

I worked my fingers inside him and my mind began to wander. Two, three…he pushed into them so wantonly I was taken aback. He was getting louder now too, moaning and sighing when I teased his prostate. It was so arousing to watch him undulate at my hand, I couldn't help but wonder just what he could take. I started having fantasies of working my fist inside him. It felt as though I could get it in there with a little patience. I had a realization that, if I did it, he would be mine—it would break him and turn him into some kind malleable thing I could do with as I pleased and then toss aside in my usual fashion.

Looking back now, I'm ashamed to see how much I was objectifying him then. He wasn't much more than a toy to me that morning, or perhaps a scientific experiment:_ action A produces this response, but action B produces that one…interesting; and if I do this, what will happen?_ My anger at feeling emotionally battered by him didn't help my attitude. I wasn't above trying to give him a little battering in return.

Thankfully, however, something that had been growing inside me since the beginning of our journey began to fight back. I didn't want to break him. I didn't want to watch myself do that to another person ever again. It was unsettling to be pulled out of my familiar seme persona, but it felt exhilarating as well. I felt so alive that morning; I didn't want to do anything that might jeopardize that feeling. I remember watching the old me give way to this new aspect of myself when I was startled by his voice.

"Jin? You OK?" he asked quietly.

I blinked and looked at him. I hadn't even noticed that he'd turned and was staring at me, looking somewhat apprehensive, almost as though he knew what I was thinking. "Forgive me," I replied. "I was daydreaming."

He cocked an eyebrow and looked as though he might speak, but then shrugged his shoulders slightly and lay back down again. I pulled my fingers out and oiled myself up. I thought I'd begin traditionally and go from there. Grabbing him by the hips, I lifted him to his knees and slowly eased myself inside. He pushed back with a deep moan, and we began. I was pleasantly surprised. For all his…openness, he was quite snug inside. _Good bowel habits_, I could hear Master Zhang say, and I shook my head to rid it of such un-erotic thoughts.

I slowly stroked into him, completely mesmerized by the sight of his body responding to me. He stretched himself out like a big cat, and the play of muscles in his back and shoulders was so alluring. I couldn't keep my hands off him. There is something about Mugen's skin, the color, the texture—my hands are always craving contact. I continued to thrust lazily, enjoying the feel of him around me, when he began to show signs of impatience. I wasn't giving him everything and he clearly knew it, pushing back into me enough I had to dance out of his way to maintain control. He started growling and I almost laughed out loud. I eventually decided to oblige him. I pulled out, and then slowly pushed myself all the way inside this time.

"Ohhhhh shiiiiuuhhhhhh," he sang, and melted on the spot. I knelt, caught him on the way down and he collapsed in my lap. I curled myself over him, lay my head on his back and slid my arms around his chest, enjoying how it felt to hold him. We breathed together for a little while but then he began to squirm, so I lifted his hips off my thighs and backed out as he whimpered a protest. Flipping him over, I immediately thrust back inside, pulling his hips into my lap again.

My gaze traveled upward, and I got another shock when I saw his face. I couldn't believe the way he looked…like a child, almost angelic in his expression. I had never seen him look so innocent and sweet before. I now know that the _only_ time Mugen looks innocent and sweet is after he's been fucked for a while but, at the time, I was amazed and a little taken aback. I remember thinking _how old is this guy?_ He looked like a kid!

Hooking my arms under his knees, I lifted him up so I could move more freely, giving him everything but still keeping the pace slow and gentle. I was starting to feel very aroused at this point, but didn't want to cum yet. It was too amazing to have him in this position, and I was in no hurry to conclude matters. So I just fucked him, fucked him and fucked him some more.

His hands were continually moving: first they were clutching the futon, then they moved to his hair, then he hugged himself for a while. His arms came up and he covered his face, and his mouth sought the knuckle of his forefinger and he chewed on it a bit. His hands went everywhere but where I thought they'd go. I kept expecting to have to battle him to keep them off himself but I never had to. I found that interesting indeed. He was whimpering again, so I wondered what he would do next.

"Will you kiss me?" he asked. I winced. I didn't want to. He opened his eyes and must have seen the look on my face, because he sighed. "You always take this long to cum or are you just showing off?"

"Showing off to whom?" I replied. He rolled his eyes. I set his hips down on the futon and started leaning in, bending him in half, so that I was thrusting downward instead of forward. Oh, first times! The noises Mugen makes when I take him like that are nothing short of amazing. They are completely unintelligible and animalistic, but oh, so satisfying to listen to. It was the first time I'd experienced feeling as though I were literally pushing the sounds out of his throat with my thrusts, and the sense of power over him was heady indeed. I'd raise up a few inches and then push back in, letting the weight of my body do most of the work, grinding myself deep and shoving my pubic bone into that sweet spot behind his balls. He was moaning and making these other unrepeatable sounds, and then I saw him trying to speak.

"D-don't stop…please don't s-stop," he managed. I didn't. I was ready. I reached for him, and got in a few strokes before I felt his hand stop me. "No…just _go!_" he ordered. _Hmmm, all right_. If he didn't want me to jack him off it was fine with me.

I let him have it, moving faster but just as deep, and did what felt best to me for a while. But then I was amazed to feel his legs tensing and his ass clenching me. He threw his arms over his face, arched his back and started cumming, laughing and moaning at the same time. I couldn't believe it! I hadn't touched him, and he hadn't touched himself either. I'd never seen anyone do that before, but it did wonderful things for my own state of arousal. I put all my focus on the pleasure overwhelming me and let it happen. Oh, it was very, very good. I remember it feeling so amazingly sweet to cum inside _his_ body again.

Hovering over him with my eyes closed, catching my breath, my guard was down. I felt his hands grab my head, and before I could stop him he was kissing me. I cursed myself for letting go of his legs after my orgasm, for I felt them locked around my waist and could not push away. But I didn't struggle for long. It felt nice. I ended up settling myself on top of his chest and letting him kiss me for a long time. He was very good at it. I was coming to the realization that the men who had kissed me in the past were not. There was a part of my mind that didn't think I should be letting him ravish my mouth the way he was, but I ignored it. It was just too delicious, and I was willing to continue until he ended it. When he finally pushed me away, he looked at me with a serious expression.

"Next time, take off your fucking glasses," he demanded.

_Next time? _I thought, smiling to myself. "Next time, take a bath," I retorted. Although, I'll admit he did seem clean, he just smelled of old sweat. I couldn't figure that one out. We gave each other the evil eye for a few moments and then I pushed against his legs and he let me go. I stood up and stretched, feeling very pleased and satisfied with the entire experience.

"Suck you off for ten mon." A squeaky voice startled me out of my reverie. I turned to see a scruffy, gangly child, no older than twelve, standing next to me.

"No thank you," I replied.

"Uh, OK, I asked too much. You're new. How'd you know? For two?" he tried again. I shook my head. "Oh come on! I can do it real good, and I cost less than the girls." His hands were on his hips and he was clearly confident about his skills. He reminded me of someone, right down to the tousled hair.

"What's your name?" I asked him.

"Daiyu," he replied.

"Do you live here, Daiyu?" I was curious.

"Used to. My ma used to work here, but she's dead now. They let me hang around and make money if I want. Ume and the others are nice."

"How about this?" I began. "I'm hungry. I'll give you two mon, and if you go get me some dango I'll share them with you." He thought about it for a second then held out his hand. I gave him the money and he took off running. I wasn't sure if I'd ever see him again, but he actually returned shortly with a handful of skewers. I could tell by his greasy face he'd helped himself to at least one, but decided not to mention it. I gave him more and he gulped them down greedily. Yes, he most definitely reminded me of someone, and I couldn't help but smile. We shared our meal in silence and then he jumped up.

"Oh boy, that guy almost always wants me. Thanks for the food. See ya, mister!" And off he went.

I got to know Daiyu fairly well in the time I worked at that brothel. He was only eleven, as it turned out, which broke my heart. I couldn't help but care about him, seeing him as a variation of Mugen as a boy. He was living on the streets, sharing shelter with other children like himself wherever they could find it. If he was still at the brothel when it closed, I would let him come back to my room and sleep there. I wasn't surprised he showed up at closing time more and more often as the weeks went by, so we fell into a comfortable pattern of companionship. And when he realized I was not going to take him up on his continued offers of cheap sex, he stopped propositioning me, which I was grateful for.

My days fell into an easy rhythm. I'd get up and head to the local greensward to do my kata. If Daiyu was with me he'd do them too…or least try to. He could follow along with my warm-ups, but I usually lost him soon after and he would sit down and watch until I was through. Then we would head to the bathhouse for a soak and get something to eat. After a few weeks I found myself wandering over to the port area of town every day after breakfast. It wasn't far from my room, and I found it comforting to sit there and watch the ships coming and going. This is where I usually lost Daiyu. He'd sit with me for an hour or so and then get restless.

"Why do you come here every day, Jin?" he asked once.

I didn't honestly know the answer to that question. "It reminds me of an old friend, I suppose," was my reply, and I reached inside my sleeve to touch the scar on my arm.

"Well, I'm bored. See ya later, K?" And off he'd run. I would sit there most days until it was time to get a late lunch and head to the brothel. Sometimes I would spend an hour or so before work walking the red-light district, hoping I might bump into him. Every time I passed an establishment that sounded like there was a fight going on, I'd always take a look to see if he was in the middle of it. He never was.

"You ever see a man with prison tattoos on his wrists and ankles, you tell me right away, all right?" I told Daiyu. He agreed, and even though he _did_ report back with news of a few such men, I could tell by the descriptions it wasn't him.

So as the weeks went by I fended off the propositions at work and tried to save some money. No one could figure out why I wasn't visiting the girls _or_ the boys, so I knew I was the hot topic of gossip there. At first, my body wasn't up to the activity and I didn't want anyone to learn how weak I truly was. Later, as my strength returned, it didn't feel right to do so, as I had gotten to know them all too well. The girls were sweet and felt like sisters (or mothers, in some cases) to me. The boys were too young to spark my interest. Fucking children is not to my taste. I got teased, but it was gentle and in good fun. It was strange to be surrounded by so many females after living in the dojo so long. I was glad I'd had those months with Fuu to get used to it somewhat.

"What a waste of man flesh," was a typical sigh, and I'd smack them on the behind with my katana and send them on their way, giggling, to their next client.

As my body got stronger and I could do more, I began to train Daiyu after I finished my kata, showing him some basic fighting techniques. His own style was rough and tumble, obviously self-taught, but he picked up the new ideas quickly and became a pretty good little sparring partner before long. I almost felt happy at times. I enjoyed the new community I belonged to and actually had moments when I didn't think of Mugen and Fuu anymore. Part of me felt sad about that when I noticed it, but the other part was proud of myself. I needed to move on, and I was finally doing so.

But then discontent began to brew inside me. After a month of staring at the ocean every day an idea arrived. At first I dismissed it, but it continued to grow and pester me. I was getting pulled to leave. Those ships were calling me.

Instead of watching from a distance, I started walking the piers, and chatted with the seamen there as they worked. Each ship was bound for somewhere different, each arriving from somewhere distant and mysterious. It sparked my imagination, and I found myself dreaming of far away places with strange-sounding names. The following day I was doing my usual rounds when I saw a ship I had never seen before docked at the southernmost pier. Something pulled me to learn more.

"Where did you arrive from?" I asked one of the men unloading boxes.

"Matsumae, on the northern island," he replied with a smile, but not stopping in his work.

"Where will you be going?"

"Ryukyu and beyond," was his reply and I got a chill in my bones.

"When will you be leaving? Do you take passengers?" I couldn't believe I was even asking, and my heart was pounding in my chest. He jerked his head toward the ship, indicating I should speak with the important-looking man on the deck. I learned he was the first officer, discovered they did take passengers, and that they would be sailing in three days time. I knew I was going to be on it!

Making arrangements to leave the brothel was a sad affair, and I was worried about Daiyu. He was not happy I was going, and I was not happy about leaving him there. I briefly considered bringing him with me, but decided against it in the end. I wasn't in a position to become a father figure to anyone, even someone who needed it as desperately as he did. I took Ume aside and gave her one of my ryu, asking her to save it for him and to keep an eye on him as well. She nodded and agreed to with a wink. I'm sure she thought I was fucking him, but I didn't care.

I went down to the docks and watched "my" ship every day before it sailed. I had absolutely no idea why I wanted to leave Japan, especially since I was happy in my new position and felt comfortable with the people I worked with, but the pull was so strong I couldn't deny it. Then I had a realization: leaving Japan would probably put me out of the reach of other assassins. Once this dawned on me, I had no further doubts about heading for Ryukyu. The day before I was to leave, Daiyu and I were standing there again.

"I'm gonna be a pirate one day," he declared. "Then I'll come find you!"

I didn't doubt it one bit. "I am going to Ryukyu," I told him. "When you grow up a little more and become a pirate, I hope you _do_ come and find me." I smiled down at him and his lower lip began to quiver. He shot me a quick, almost pleading, glance and then turned tail and ran away. I hoped he'd show up at my room later that night so I could say goodbye to him properly.

I turned back to the ship and tried unsuccessfully to calm myself down. I had never been on a sea voyage before, so I felt like a child, I was so excited. Lost in my dreams I almost didn't hear it at first.

"Jin! Jiiiiiin!" called a familiar voice, and I froze in shock, then immediately turned around to scan the crowd for its owner, cursing my blurry eyesight.

to be continued


	3. Chapter 3

**Wanderings, III**  
by Laura Bryannan

When they woke up, they were different. They even looked different. Jin without his glasses and his hair down, and Mugen with scars on his face that made him look like a cat. Of course, I was so unbelievably happy they woke up at all I didn't care _what_ they looked like.

They walked out of that room the first morning blinking at the daylight, looking like two avenging angels who'd been to hell and back—which they had—so beautiful and ethereal. They'd both lost so much weight, but they still seemed to radiate this power. It was kind of extraordinary, really. Maybe it was because I was crying at the time, maybe it was because even Mugen was pale, but I could have sworn they were shining when I first saw them. We shooed them off to the tub, and they turned into plain old Mugen and Jin again by the time they got back, but it was the most eerie experience I've ever had and I'll never forget it for as long as I live.

They were different with each other too. They were practically joined at the hip after that. It was clear they needed to be together, so I tried to give them their space and stay out of the way. I'd go out to the tree they made camp at and bring them something to eat at midday. It became a little game of mine to try and guess beforehand how I'd find them. At first, I'd often find them both asleep. I'd sit and watch for a little while—they both looked so sweet when they were sleeping—and leave what I brought.

Later, maybe only one of them would be crashed, usually with his head on the other's thigh, and I'd chat a bit with whoever was awake then take off again. I never saw them not connected in one way or another. They had never been particularly shy about being affectionate with each other in front of me anyway. But now every time I went out there I'd find them snuggled together, or at least touching. Jin seemed to smile more and Mugen seemed more grave and thoughtful. It was almost as though their personalities had infected each other a bit.

Sometimes I wished they would invite me to stay. And, honestly, they never hinted that I wasn't welcome, but it didn't feel right to hang out with them, for some reason. I was so busy anyway. And as the weeks went by and they got stronger, I realized I was going to have to let them go. They had both saved my life, so I had to give them theirs back. It was clear that all those assassins were after us because of me, because my father had been involved with the Christian movement here. I couldn't keep putting them in danger any longer because of the quirk of fate that caused me to be the only child of the infamous Sunflower Samurai. But even though I knew it was right thing to do, I still felt really sad about it, and it made it harder and harder to spend time with them.

So I kept myself busy dealing with all my father's stuff, trying to get everything settled so I could get out of there as soon as possible. I couldn't believe how many people showed up in those weeks Jin and Mugen were getting their strength back. It drove me nuts! Everybody and their brother were gushing about how wonderful my father was…how kind, how brave, how thoughtful and helpful he had been to them. Well, I couldn't take it after a while. I'd spent practically my entire life hating him, so I found all the nice stories pretty galling. Too bad he wasn't as brave and nice and kind to his own family! I know everyone meant well and all, but sometimes the smile on my face felt so forced I thought my cheeks were going to crack. I knew that as soon as Mugen and Jin were ready to take off, I was going to take off too.

I was secretly hoping one of them would take me aside and ask me to go on with him but, of course, it didn't happen. I didn't have the guts to approach either of them myself, and part of the problem was I honestly didn't know who I wanted to approach! Plus, I was convinced they were planning to be with each other. I couldn't imagine them parting considering the way they were stuck together now.

Mugen was being so sweet, though. He'd chase me down every so often and ask me what was going on and stuff, but it was so hard to talk with him. Every time I got near him I felt like I was going to cry my eyes out, so I just kept running away. I mean, I didn't even know what _I_ wanted, so how could I know what I wanted from him? He didn't seem like a settling down and raising a family kind of guy, and I didn't even know if I was that kind of girl. And besides, I really felt like I owed them both a clean break. I saved them and then they both saved me. We were even and I honestly wanted them to feel free of any further obligations to me.

I decided to go to Nagasaki. I thought it might be where they'd go too, of course. Besides, a big city like that would have tons of places I could find work in, and I could hide and figure out what to do next. Once my nosy neighbors got wind of it, though, you'd think I was telling them I was going to sell myself on the street corner or something. Everyone thought I was nuts to go to the city alone, and put up so much of a stink I finally agreed to let someone's son-in-law escort me there just to shut everyone up. After the three of us parted, I went to stay at their house overnight and then Waotaka-san drove me there in his oxcart. It was better than walking all the way there alone, I'll admit.

One of the good things about all this was that there was some money in my father's effects. A fair amount too! I was able to spare five ryu for both of them and hide it in their stuff, and still feel like I had enough for anything I might need. Once I hit Nagasaki the first thing I did was find an inn and get a room. The money I was sitting on meant I didn't have to run out right away and find work, so I just crashed that day and went job-hunting the next.

It took me a little while to find something I liked, but it was worth the wait. The couple who owned the teahouse, Chiaki and Roku, were so sweet! They were my mother's age, and we all took a liking to each other right away. I had been in and out of so many loud, smelly, dirty places in the past few days, or nice ones with awful people running them, I had begun to despair of ever finding a job. So there they were, happy to have a daughter to take care of, and I sure didn't mind a set of adopted parents. It was great. They had a spare room upstairs, so I moved in there and just lay low for a few weeks.

At first, I would get up and go to work all day, then visit with Chiaki and Roku in the evenings until it was time for bed. But once I began to get my bearings and feel more settled and confident, I started roaming the neighborhood after work. As I wandered farther from home base, I realized I was really close to the seaport part of town. One evening I got brave enough to make my way there and it was so exciting. I loved seeing all the different boats and the bustling activity, but I had to keep my eyes open and stay on my toes because there were a lot of weird people down there. Even though I got my share of whistles and pinches and stuff, it wasn't bad enough to keep me away.

At first Chiaki and Roku were concerned about me taking off like that and not coming home until it was dark, but I wouldn't let them talk me out of it. I just had to go there, for some reason. OK, so I was hoping I might find Mugen, maybe working on the docks, maybe coming out of one of the taverns. I went there almost every night and ate my dinner, unless it was too cold or rainy. I'd just sit there and watch everything.

Boy, I never knew there were so many different kinds of people in the world until I spent time at the port! I saw this man once whose skin was as dark as a tree trunk. He was so amazing looking I couldn't keep my eyes off him, and handsome too! And then there were these guys working on this one ship who had tattoos all over their faces. It made them look like wild animals. I loved it! I never saw Mugen, but sitting there being entertained by the crowd was sure better than feeling sad about him back at the teahouse.

So that became my life. Week after week I'd get up, go to work, grab myself some portable dinner afterwards and head down to the docks to eat and dream. Then I'd head home, visit with Chiaki and Roku for a bit and go to bed, get up the next day and do it again.

At night when I was alone I would lie in bed and think about them. Sometimes I'd remember Mugen's mouth on me. Sometimes I'd remember Jin's hands on me. Sometimes I'd remember their mouths and hands on each other! Little snippets of scenes would pop into my head and keep me company.

Like this one time we were on the road and we split up to go pee. I was walking back when I found them making out, and ducked down to peek. Mugen's back was against a tree and Jin was grinding into him as they kissed. At one point, Mugen slowly drew his legs up and wrapped them around Jin's waist. Then Jin's hands moved downward and rubbed Mugen's butt in a way that made his toes curl, and I totally melted at the sight. After a little while, Mugen lowered his legs and Jin tried to back away, but Mugen caught his head and kissed him again. When they parted they bonked their foreheads together and gave each other looks that made me sigh, they were so lustful and sweet.

Of course, my primary erotic memories came from those last few days in Aki. That night I watched them make love it was like a dream. I could see pretty well, but not so well that it took the magic away. At first, I was even kind of pretending it was me Jin was making love to, because Mugen sounded so turned on and happy. Later, I had some second thoughts about that, as they got more intense with each other. I'd never heard either of them make sounds like that before. It made me really horny, but it freaked me out too.

Mugen was so good at making me flail and scream when he made love to me, it was really satisfying to watch Jin do that to him. And even though it sounded as though Jin was hurting him toward the end there, I couldn't believe Jin would do such a thing. So I just watched with my mouth hanging open in amazement, feeling more turned on than I'd ever felt in my life. Mugen said Jin was vocal when they were together and he sure was right!

The next day, when they started going at it right in front of me, I couldn't believe it! In broad daylight it felt completely different, and I wasn't sure I could deal with the reality of it. At first they were just making out, and it was really fun to watch. But then I could see Jin starting to writhe, and I couldn't tell why because Mugen's body was blocking my view of what he was up to. Then, _ohmygod_, I could tell that Mugen's hand was inside Jin's hakama because he pulled it up enough that his leg was showing. There was something about seeing it—black hair against pale skin—that seemed too private, too intimate for me to be looking at.

And then I realized that Mugen was going to…um…do it to him and I freaked out. I knew I couldn't watch that happen. It was one thing to witness Jin turn Mugen into a squealing, mewling creature. There was something appropriate about that, to me, and I had fun watching it happen. But I couldn't bear to watch Mugen turn Jin into something similar. I didn't want to see Jin reduced to such a state, so I took off. Sometimes I wished I'd had the guts to stay, but I honestly don't regret it most of the time. And, who knows? Maybe I was just jealous Mugen was doing that to Jin and not to me. So my days fell into a comfortable pattern and so did my nights. Touching myself wasn't as good as having them with me, but it kept me going without dropping too far into despair.

But then I had a fateful experience. It was weird because I had been sitting at the docks trying to mind my own business and eat as I usually did and it just wasn't happening that evening. Maybe I had a sign stuck on my back or something, but I got hit on at least two different times in the few hours I was there. And, because of that, I'd been thinking about when Mugen got it into his head I needed to learn to fight. Well, it sure came in handy that night.

I was walking back to the teahouse when I noticed that some slime ball was following me. _Jeez,_ I thought, _can't a girl catch a break?_ I broke out in a cold sweat. I walked faster, but he did too, so I knew he was going to try something. My heart was pounding so fast I could hardly breathe, but when he grabbed my arm I was ready. I dropped into the stance Mugen taught me so quickly he let go.

"Get away from me, you creep!" I yelled. He just laughed. I could tell he was drunk by how he smelled and how unsteady he was. But I knew drunk men were dangerous, so I didn't hesitate. When he lunged at me, I kicked him in the shin and he howled and fell down on one knee, cursing and grabbing his leg. He reached for me again, but my geta connected with his face and he fell over with a scream. I jumped up and took off, and he never even followed me. As much as I hated what Mugen put me through, I was never more grateful to him than I was then. I might have just saved my _own_ life, I realized, and I felt proud even though I was still shaking and queasy when I got safely into my room.

It began when we were in Aki. Mugen came home after work one afternoon, grabbed a pillow from a futon in the bedroom and took me outside.

"Come on," he said. "I worry about you too much. I'm gonna teach you to fight." I was thinking he'd gone totally nuts. _Me? Fight? Uh, sure…._

"I'm only gonna teach you this one thing, but it should be enough, so long as your attacker ain't got a sword," he began. "Girls' got no upper body strength and no reach, so you can't fight a man with your arms or your hands. You've got to get to the ground and use your legs."

He made me lay down on my left side propped up on my elbow with my knees bent. Then he grabbed my right leg, raised it up and pointed my knee at the sky. "This is your basic stance, Fuu. Someone looks like they're gonna come after you, you drop to the ground and get in this position."

"But they can see up my kimono," I protested.

"Who the hell cares? Tuck it over yourself if you're worried, but what's more important, keeping yourself safe or keeping some asshole trying to hurt you from seeing up your kimono?" I grumbled, but managed to cover myself some.

"Now when someone's trying to grab you, you kick with this leg up here. When you stretch it out, pull your toes back, point them downward and strike with your heel. Now, try it." He held out the pillow and I kicked it.

"Good! And right after you kick, pull your leg back into position just like you were drawing a bow and get ready to kick again. Now, go!" and I did it again and again and again. Then he started moving around. He told me to pivot on my hip and keep myself aimed at him. I managed to hit the pillow most of the time, and I could tell he was pleased with me. The he told me to flip to my other side and we practiced with that leg too.

"Good girl!" he smiled. "Now that you've got that down, let's talk about strategy. Someone's bugging you what do you do?"

"I tell him to leave me alone." He nodded.

"And if he doesn't listen to you…if he keeps bothering you, then what?" I didn't know, and shrugged my shoulders.

"You get down on the ground and get ready to defend yourself," he said.

"Right in the middle of the street? Wouldn't that look weird?"

He made a face and shook his head. "Who cares, Fuu? If the guy ain't listening to you—if he won't leave you alone when you've told him to—he's not a good guy, so who cares what he thinks? Get your back to a wall if you can. Get in your stance, pull your leg into position, and keep telling him to fuck off, K? Now, if you're lucky, the guy will decide you're not worth the bother. He'll call you names and take off. Most assholes want easy prey. But if he tries to get you, where do you kick first?"

"His privates?" I ventured.

He shook his head. "Nope. A man will expect that kind of attack and protect himself by instinct. You go for his knee or his shin, K? Now, let's do this slowly first. If you kick me in the knee, I'm gonna fall forward. Do it." I kicked him gently. He went down, holding himself off the ground with his hand.

"So now he'll be somewhere like this, and you hit his head next. Go!" I pushed his head with my foot, and he fell on the ground completely. "He'll either be face up or face down, depending, but now what?" I shrugged my shoulders again.

"You raise your heel up over his head and bring it down…hard! Smash his head into the ground with the back of your heel as hard as you can. Hit his nose if he's face up, the back of the head or his ear if he's not. That should be enough for you to get up and get the hell away."

"But wouldn't that really hurt him?" I asked, wincing.

"Yeah, that's the fucking point! Is it OK for him to hurt you, but not for you to hurt him?"

I sighed. It seemed hopeless. I could never imagine myself doing such a thing to anyone, but he wouldn't let up. He made me practice and practice, until I was almost in tears. He'd come at me in different ways, making me hit him as hard as I could. Even though the pillow took most of the blows, I could tell I was hurting him sometimes and he still wouldn't stop. But, I'm proud to say that by the time the sun set, I had the routine down pretty well.

He dragged me out there almost every day we spent in Aki, and sometimes I really hated him for it. It was scary to think of needing to learn that stuff, and I kept running the routines in my imagination hours after we stopped, picturing unknown attackers and fighting them off in my head over and over again until I was about ready to scream.

One day we were practicing what Mugen called 'shit talk defense.' He would pretend to be a stranger and walk by and say stuff to me—the kinds of stuff any girl who has ever walked around in public has heard. Sometimes he would back down when I told him to leave me alone, sometimes he wouldn't and I'd have to fight him. I could never tell what he'd do, but I've never found it too hard to tell a jerk to buzz off, so I was pretty good at it. Then I saw Jin sitting there. I hadn't even noticed he was home, I was so focused on yelling at Mister Shit Talk.

"Jin, make him stop. I'm so tired of this!" I begged. He shook his head.

"You're doing very well. It's a good skill for you to know," he said. Oh man, it was two against one. _No fair!_

"Help us, Jin," Mugen called. "We're working on come-ons. Let's see what she's learned."

Jin nodded, took off his glasses and walked over to me. "My, what a lovely sunset," he began.

I looked up, saw him smiling at me and I smiled back. "It certainly is. Well, I must be going now," I replied, and moved to walk away. But Jin without his glasses is so unnerving, when he caught my arm I turned back to him.

"Oh please, not so soon," he said softly. "Couldn't you stay and enjoy the evening with me just a little while longer?"

"Um…no…um…I really should go…." I stammered, but he was looking at me with those amazing gray eyes of his, and he reached out and stroked my cheek. Then he took my hand and started walking off, pulling me along with him. I was so ooogy about him looking at me like that, and I could still feel how his finger grazed my face, I didn't even notice he was taking me somewhere. But then I heard Mugen yelling, "No! No! No!" And suddenly Jin twisted my arm up behind my back…gently, but I got the point.

"Not every bad guy is gonna act like one, you know!" Mugen yelled. "What did you do wrong?"

"I didn't get down when he didn't listen to me," I replied, pretty mad that I let myself get tricked like that.

"Right! That was a good idea Jin. Your kind of shit talk is more dangerous than what I've been throwing at her. Now let's try it again," he demanded, and we did. This time I did it right and it was worth it because I got the best look from Jin. I could tell he was proud of me, and he was proud of Mugen too.

"You're giving her very good advice," he said. "I would never have thought of such a fighting style, but it makes perfect sense. Women's legs are so much stronger than their arms. I believe this would really work."

"It's what we taught the girls in our gang," Mugen replied. "It worked for them, so I figured it would work for Fuu too."

And then Jin would come and help too, on the days he wasn't staying late at work to hang with his boss. Mugen said he was grateful there was someone else to take some of my kicks. Even though they protected their bodies with pillows, I know I still gave them both more than a few bruises. They'd just wince, rub the affected part for a moment, then say, "Again!" God, guys are weird! But looking back on it now, I'm so grateful Mugen made me learn. I mean, he really had to _make_ me a few times, because I never wanted to. By the time we left that place, I had gone over it so many times I could do it in my sleep. OK, so I forgot it when those creeps attacked Yuri and me, but I didn't forget it that fateful evening when I was truly on my own with no one to save me anymore.

So, even though I made it through that little escapade unharmed, it really scared me a lot, and it took me forever to fall asleep that night. The next morning I woke up with this scathingly brilliant idea in my head, though. Maybe I dreamed it…I don't know. But I realized I could do something to make it easier for me to get around without having to worry so much. I could turn myself into a boy! It took me a few days to really believe I could pull it off, but I finally decided I had nothing to lose by trying. I couldn't wait for work to be over that day so I could hit the shops and start buying my new clothes. It took a little time to find everything I needed, and a bunch of white lies to buy it all, but finally I had my outfit pulled together.

I could use my own juban, of course, but I bought a new kimono in a really nice but sedate solid cream color, with a beautiful design woven into the fabric. I got a pair of black hakama too, and tabi and waraji, and a silk tie to pull my hair up. I decided against trying to do the fundoshi thing. I wasn't used to wearing undergarments like that and figured no one would know anyway. And if I bound the "girls" up tight, you really couldn't tell they were there. For once, I was glad to have my nice, neat smallish breasts!

So, the next evening I went down to the pier in my new outfit and had so much fun! I didn't get one wolf whistle or catcall. No one paid any attention to me at all. It was really great to feel so safe. Chiaki was totally confused by my behavior. "Why must you go there every evening, Fuu?" she asked. "It's so dangerous, we worry about you."

"But it will be safe in my new clothes, and it's so much fun. It's almost like going to the theater or something. And…well…to be honest, I keep hoping I'll find an old friend there," I finally admitted, certain I was blushing.

She shook her head, but her eyes were warm. "Ah, now I understand. Life with a sailor is a lonely one, Fuu," she warned. Didn't I know it? "Well, my dear, it's not my place to tell you what to do, and I must say you do make an adorable young man!" I smiled and gave her a big hug, relieved she wasn't going to try and talk me out of my wonderful new game.

Life became a lot more fun after that. I would put on my boy clothes after work and head out to wander and I never once got poked or propositioned or whistled at. It was great! I decided to call myself Fukashi. I didn't know if I'd ever need to use a boy's name, but I wanted to have it ready in my mind just in case.

It was amazing to me how different life was as a boy. I could go anywhere or do anything and no one gave me a second glance. Every once in a while some shopkeeper would peer at me curiously, but then they'd shrug and go on with their business. I ended up adding one more item of clothing to my outfit, just to be safe, though. I found myself a short haori in a dark shade of tan and wore it open like Mugen used to do. That covered up whatever hints of my breasts might still be there. I never felt so free in my life! I loved it! I could go down to the docks and enjoy myself without worrying about anything.

Then one day I was there a little earlier than usual. Things were quiet at the teahouse, and Chiaki let me go early since it was such a lovely day. The air had been getting cooler and we were getting more and more gray and rainy weather. That day it was sunny and nice, so I was really happy I could escape work and go play. I donned my boy clothes, grabbed something to eat and went to my regular spot to sit and hang out.

I did my usual scanning for anyone wearing red, but saw no one who looked promising. _Oh well_, I sighed to myself. I was getting used to it by now. I didn't sit there looking for him with my heart beating double time, like it did the first few weeks.

Then something caught my eye…a flash of blue in _that_ shade of indigo. I lost it in the crowd for a few moments then saw it again: a tall man in indigo blue with black hair. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move. I tried to call his name and nothing came out, just like in those horrible scary dreams where you try to scream, but can't. I started to panic and tried again.

"Jin!" I managed to yell. No response from Mister Indigo. Did the guy even hear me? I couldn't tell. I tried again and screamed his name this time. He turned and I could see it was really him. I just lost it. I fell to my knees and started sobbing. Then I freaked out and tried to pull myself together. I was terrified I'd lose him in the crowd, so I jumped up and called his name once more, wiping my eyes on my sleeve so I could see straight.

I could see him looking towards me, squinting…_oh no, he really needs his glasses!_ I realized he probably couldn't see me. And then I remembered that I wasn't even looking like me. If he recognized my voice he'd be looking for my pink kimono. I tried to make my legs work and finally managed to run.

"Jin, Jin, Jin," I laughed, as I ran up to him. He looked at me with the most puzzled expression I've ever seen. "It's me, it's me!" I threw myself at him, I'm not ashamed to say.

"Fuu?!?" he said, grabbing my shoulders and holding me at arms length so he could look at me. "Oh my god," he whispered, his eyes wide. "It really _is_ you!" Then he laughed out loud and pulled me into the biggest hug, twirling us both around and around. I started crying again, I was so unbelievably happy.

Then he set me down and looked at me once more, and there were tears running down his cheeks too. I couldn't believe it! "What in the world? Fuu, you're dressed as a boy!" he exclaimed, wiping his eyes and smiling the biggest smile. Then his face shifted, and he looked at me intently. I'll bet I looked the same.

"Are you with him?" we both asked at the same time, sighing unhappily when we heard ourselves. I shook my head sadly and so did he.

"I thought the two of you might have made plans to go on without me," I said.

"I thought the two of _you_ might do same," he admitted. I was surprised. I really thought they were…well, together enough to have continued on with each other.

"You've no idea where he is?" I had to ask.

He shook his head again. "We never spoke of our plans, I'm sorry to say," he replied. "I wish we had, of course, and don't know why we didn't. I have absolutely no idea where he might be. But Fuu, tell me what you've been up to. Have you been here in Nagasaki all this time?"

I filled him in on my story, and it turned out we were staying quite near each other. I learned he spent time at the docks every day too, but he was there during the daytime when I was working, and I was there in the evenings when he was working so we had never bumped into each other. I was so happy I got off work early that day, or I might never have seen him. Life can be wonderful sometimes!

He seemed different to me, although I couldn't put my finger on why. For one thing, he was smiling, so that was pretty amazing. And he seemed more comfortable in his own skin somehow, which was really nice to see. He kept looking at me strangely, like he was trying to find the me he knew under the new outfit.

"You make a fine boy, Fuu," he laughed. "Do you have a new name to go with the new clothes?"

"It's Fukashi, now. Isn't it great? I got this idea a few weeks ago." And then I told him the story of how I was tired of being bothered by lewd men, and how I got attacked and that was the final straw. I could tell he wasn't happy to hear about the attack, but you should have seen how proud he looked when I told him how I fought the guy off. I must have blushed ten shades of pink, the way he nodded his approval.

"Fukashi, is it? Well, Fukashi, I was just getting ready to walk the red light district one last time. Would you like to come with me?" I nodded and we headed off. I didn't get what he meant by one last time, but it didn't matter, I was so happy to be with him again. "I do this almost every afternoon," he continued, "but I've not seen hide nor hair of him, unfortunately. Nor have my various spies reported back any good news." He told me of his job at a brothel uptown, and how he had the girls' network watching for him as well as many of the local urchins.

We wandered up and down the various streets, sometimes chatting sometimes just walking. I'd never seen such a place before, at least from the outside, so it was a bit of an eye opener. All those poor girls looking like they were stuck in cages, just like they were in a zoo or something. I shuddered to remember how many times I almost ended up with such a fate. Finally, we left and headed back to the docks. It was getting late, and I thought I should return to the teahouse before Chiaki had a fit worrying about me.

"I should be getting back to my room now, Jin. My bosses are a sweet couple, and I don't like to worry them too much. They already think I'm nuts for dressing up like this and wandering around the city alone. But now that I've found you, I'm not letting you get away again. Where can we meet tomorrow?"

He looked at me with the most helpless expression, then gathered me into his arms with a giant sigh. I immediately felt terrified.

"Oh Fuu, how strange fate can be," he said, his face looking tragic. "I'm leaving Japan. I'm leaving tomorrow morning!"

to be continued


	4. Chapter 4

**Wanderings, IV**  
by Laura Bryannan

Life at sea is pretty dull. At least, you hope it will be if you're a sailor. You want good weather, good crewmates and a good captain, and I had all that aboard the Brightness. It was the first time I had ever been part of a crew that got paid in money instead of in stolen loot, so it was the first time I had crewmates who were mostly normal. They were from all over the damn place—China and the Ryukyus, although a few were Japanese and a few were these amazing looking dudes from the islands south of China.

Captain Nunes was from a place called Portugal, and so was his Number One, who turned out to be his younger brother. His cousin was also part of the crew, but wasn't on this part of the journey. He was in Canton, which was the captain's home base, and we were gonna pick him up on the way to Saigon.

Because of my health, I got stuck with a lot of shit jobs, and spent most of my time the first few months in the galley helping Shii, the cook. It wasn't exciting, but I wasn't up to hoisting and lugging and most of the other jobs that needed doing. I got to know the other men over time, and even made a few friends. We would sail and there'd be nothing but sky and water for days, and then we'd put to port and have a little fun before the boredom would begin again.

The captain and his brother were easygoing men who didn't put on airs, but still kept discipline on the ship tight. When things are good with the brass, things are good with the crew and that was the case here. The men obviously liked the captain and he obviously liked them. Most had been with him for over a decade, so I figured that was a good sign.

So a lot of the time things were pretty dull and I won't talk about that. What I will talk about is that I had the captain's eye. Right from the start I could tell he was into me, so that was really cool. And since I thought he was the most amazing hunk of a man I'd laid eyes on in a long time, I was very flattered by his attention. He would make his rounds and come talk a bit while we were chopping and peeling and stuff, so I learned a little more about him.

He was thirty-eight, so my guess about his age wasn't too far off. He said he left his country—which was way the fuck away in Europe somewhere—when he was ten years old. His older cousin had a position on a trading ship and got him and his brother on board as cabin boys, and they never looked back. Eventually they settled in Canton and set up their own business, which became a successful import and export venture. He had a Chinese wife and six children there.

"Seems I spend just enough time with her to make another baby, and then I set sail again," he laughed. "So, how about you, Mugen? Do you have a woman waiting for you at home somewhere?"

"Uh…something like that." It was what I hoped anyway, so it wasn't really a lie. OK, so it was a lie, but the situation with me and Jin and Fuu was way too complicated to start talking about it with someone like him, so I didn't. He nodded with one eyebrow raised, complimented Shii on dinner the night before and took off. It was good I was always busy when he showed up, cuz otherwise I would have just stood there staring with my mouth hanging open in awe. He was so fucking perfect it scared me to death.

I asked the guys I knew what was up with him. Everybody was pretty sure he was fucking Cristo, one of the cabin boys. Now if that was the case, I couldn't fault him on his taste. Cristo was like no other human I had ever seen before. His hair was gold. It was really gold colored. In the sun it looked almost white. And he was really pretty too, just like a girl, but a little young to my mind. He was eleven, they said, and had been with the captain for many years. So I didn't know what to make of that, if it was true. It didn't really fit with what I could tell about him, but hey, whatever….

And there was no denying that Cristo followed him around like a puppy. It was pretty funny to see. I never saw Captain Nunes do anything even remotely lewd to him, though. Not one grope or grab. And he was a hands-on man with his crew, so it wasn't like he kept himself apart. He'd thump you on the back when he was happy with you, and smack you upside the head when he wasn't. He treated Cristo the same way he treated everyone, so I wasn't ready to believe the rumors yet.

And as for his attention to me, well it was about as subtle as you could get, and I really liked that. The first time I noticed I hadn't been on board too long. We were in port and he had given everyone but a skeleton crew shore leave. I wasn't in shape to go whoring, and I didn't feel like drinking, so I was just sitting on the deck staring out at the ocean. After a few hours he came back. I noticed he did his share of drinking and whoring, but I never saw him drunk or out of control. Anyway, he sat down next to me and offered the bottle he was holding. I reached for it, and saw his eyes widen as he noticed the scar on my arm.

"Well Mugen, of all the seven virtues, I'm very surprised that's the one you chose to carve into your arm." He smiled.

"Virtues?" I had no idea what he was talking about.

He gave me this confused, amused look. "Yes, the Seven Virtues of the Samurai. The Code of Bushido. Gi, honesty and justice; Yu, heroic courage; Rei, polite courtesy; Meyo, honor; Makoto, complete sincerity; Chugo, duty and loyalty; and…Jin, compassion. Somehow, you seem more of a Yu kind of man to me."

He was still smiling, but looking at me in this way that made it clear he was going to find out about it so I might as well talk and get it over with. I took a swig, but only a small one. That brandy shit he liked to drink took some getting used to. "Um…well…it's a name. A blood brother, I guess you could say." That was true enough.

He nodded. "So he was samurai then?"

I couldn't figure out how he knew so fucking much. It was kinda freaky. "Ronin by the time I met him," I answered. "He was my partner on my last job, escorting a girl across Japan to go see her father." He accepted that, and looked impressed. I was relieved.

"And yet you're here, sailing to Saigon on the Brightness," he said quietly, looking at me in that way again. I couldn't keep from answering.

"It's easy to look back now and see how I should've done things different. Things I should have said, but didn't." I looked him in the eye and shrugged my shoulders. "I haven't figured out what happened yet."

He smiled at me and nodded. "Well, I know what it's like to miss someone you love." He reached for the brandy, and I took one more swig before handing it back to him. He grabbed my shoulder and squeezed it for a second as he stood up, then let go as he turned to leave. "If you're ever lonely, my friend, stop by my quarters and say hello." He walked away, not waiting for any response from me...just so fucking cool I was totally impressed!

And so it began. This subtle flirting we did with each other. I loved it. I wanted him to like me. I needed him to be proud of me. I wanted all this good stuff from him but I didn't want to put out to get it. It was so fucking weird, I couldn't understand myself. I mean, normally I would have jumped the guy that night we talked about my cutting. I would have made it totally clear I was interested—which I was—and that I was available. So why didn't I? I wasn't sure. I just knew I didn't want anything to change in my relationship with him. I didn't want to wreck things by letting him have me.

It was all Jin's fault. Whatever I was before he got hold of me, I wasn't anymore. I wanted Captain Nunes, no doubt about it, but I didn't want him too. I didn't want him the way I used to want the men I was attracted to in the past, so I didn't know what to do with my fucked up head. I definitely got off on how he was into me and didn't want that attention to stop. It made me feel really good about myself.

But even though part of me believed if I didn't start putting out soon he'd turn away, I couldn't do it. It wasn't just cuz it felt disloyal to Jin and Fuu. It was because I didn't feel like a uke anymore. At least, not the kind of uke I had been raised to be before me and Jin had our big fight that night.

The first time I fucked Jin it felt like a fluke. I was so damn horny when he asked me to I didn't put up a fight. Plus, I honestly didn't think he'd manage it to get me inside him, so in my lustful haze I just lay back and figured he'd give up and life would go back to normal. Well, he did manage it, and that was the beginning of the end for my poor uke brain.

Fucking him was so amazingly good. It was really sweet. It made me feel stuff I never felt before and I think my heart broke. And if it wasn't my heart that broke, _something_ sure as hell did! That day I remember crashing with him after we were done and feeling on top of the world. When we woke up, we walked into town, picked up Fuu from her job and got something to eat. We all had a nice time together. I was happy.

But when I woke up the next morning I remembered my promise to him and started to feel scared. I spent the entire day freaking out about what happened. I couldn't believe I cried in his arms, for one thing. How fucking humiliating! When Fuu left for dinner that evening there he was, wanting me to do it to him again and I just couldn't. All I knew was that I felt terrified about it. It felt like something really, really bad would happen to me if I did—like a divine axe would come out of the sky and split my head open or something. It felt totally wrong. It was breaking rules I shouldn't break.

Plus, on top of all that, I honestly couldn't believe he really wanted me inside him again. I couldn't believe _any_ sane guy would want me inside him, so it felt like he was running this perverse head-trip on me, or something. So I refused, and I really meant it too. I just wasn't gonna do it. If he hadn't forced me, I would still be the same me I've always been, so I'm grateful now but I sure wasn't at the time.

I told him he had to make me fuck him and he did, goddammit. I was _so_ pissed when he cheated me out of that fight cuz I was sure I was gonna win. I was more pissed at him than I'd ever been—at least, until Sara came along, anyway.

I can see now, after having all this time to mull it over, that to fuck him was challenging everything I knew about myself. It didn't fit anything I'd been shown about myself, or anything I believed about myself. It had been drummed into my head since I was a kid that it was my job to get fucked, not to do the fucking, and I accepted that. I learned how to be really good at it. I was proud of what I could do and knew I could wrap any guy I wanted around my little finger if I could only get my mouth on him. That Jin wanted something more from me felt like a rejection, I think. But at the time, all I knew was that I was scared to fucking death!

So that second time began really horrible. I'm still amazed I was hard considering how pissed and terrified I was. I'm glad my body knew better. He got me inside him while I lay there being totally freaked out. I'm sure he knew it. I didn't try to hide how I felt, but it didn't stop him. Once he started to move on me, though, the fear I was feeling began to ease. He was obviously getting off on what he was doing, I could tell. At first I just listened, blown away by how it felt to have him ride me like that, and by the quiet sighs he let out.

Then I got up the guts to peek at him and he looked so fucking hot. I'd never seen such a lusty expression on his face before. His eyes were closed, his mouth was open, and he was making these little moany, growly sounds as he slid me in and out. It was pretty hard to tell myself he wasn't into it when I could see he really was. It was amazing! The longer he danced on me, the less scared I felt, and I was finally able to shove all that bullshit aside and be there with him. It was such a fucking relief.

And as for the rest of that night…well it was mind-blowingly awesome. Jin doesn't think he's intuitive, but he sure reads _me_ like a book. If he had been too mushy, if he had been too soft, I couldn't have dealt with it. I needed him to prove he wasn't going uke on me, and he showed me that very well. So when I finally made him cum it felt so perfect I thought my heart was gonna burst. And, hey, I was still alive! I fucked him! I broke the rules and I was still there, and my love was kissing me and it was really good and really hot.

But the next morning I was freaking out again. Even though thinking about the night before made me totally horny, in the light of day it felt like I shouldn't have done it. We didn't have a chance to get together at all that day, so I was relieved. As usual, he and Fuu went to sleep before me so I thought he was gonna let me off the hook.

But when I came to bed and slid under the blanket I got the shock of my life. He was naked! Holy shit! He _always_ wore his juban to bed, so that was just not playing fair at all. It's a strange thing to feel horny and afraid at the same time, but I was getting lots of practice at it by that point. He stirred when he felt me next to him, turned on his back and pulled me into a kiss. We made out and groped each other until I kinda calmed down some, then he rolled over and got up on his knees with his head resting on his arms.

"Do me like this tonight, all right?" he whispered. I just lay there, trying to get my shit together. _It's OK, it's OK_, I kept telling myself. _He wants it, you can do it._ "Please, Mugen." He looked at me and reached for my hand, pulling me toward him. I sat up, slid out of my pants and shirt, and asked where the oil was. He had it on the other side of him and handed it to me. I slicked myself up and knelt behind him, still not really believing I was gonna do it again. I got in as far as I could, which wasn't that far, and stopped.

"Back into me, K? I'm afraid to push too hard," I said. He did. In half the time it took him the night before I was inside him again. It made my head swim, it felt so good. I started to thrust, and almost immediately he was moaning in a way I'd never heard him before, so I got worried. The fear in my heart started lurking around the edges again. "Are you OK? Should I ease up?" I asked, slowing down my pace a bunch.

"Gods no. Don't stop," he begged. I stepped things back up and he let out more of those deep, throaty moans. It sounded so hot! "It feels so different this way," he sighed. "My guuhhhhh…."

I could see him biting his knuckle and that just did something for me. I stopped feeling scared and started to feel…powerful. The sense of strength I felt was really surprising and new to me, but I liked it. I liked that he put himself in my hands—that he trusted me enough to let me do this to him. Plus, it felt so goddamn good! He was pushing back into me so I knew he was doing OK. It felt amazing to be so deep inside him like that.

I reached around to stroke him and he started to buck against me pretty wildly, which was not like him at all. I'd never seen him so out of control of his body before, and it sure was a turn-on. _I'm doing this to him!_ I thought to myself. _I'm making him feel this good_. It was great, and I really loved it. Didn't do shit for my staying power though. I thought I'd end up cumming before he did, but then he let go, his body writhing so much I had to hold him with my left arm so I didn't lose him. It was so totally hot it made me cum too.

I couldn't believe I took him like that, and it was all good and no bad. It looked like I got away with it again. Lightning didn't strike me dead when I came inside him. I didn't want to let him go that night, I was feeling too sweet. So we flopped over on our sides, still connected, and I crashed before his body pushed me out.

The next night the same thing happened. I got into bed and he was naked. I was kinda ready for it this time, so it didn't freak me out so much, and was even naked myself. I snuggled up and hugged him and he pushed back against me with a sleepy sigh.

"Mmmmuuugennnnnn," he breathed, and I melted. There's this way he says my name sometimes that sounds like the most lustful moan I've ever heard. When he calls me like that, I'm a goner. He turned to me, hooked his leg around my waist, and pulled me on top of him. I lay on his chest with my head on his shoulder. "This way tonight, all right?"

I froze and started to panic again. I could tell he knew because he started petting me, scratching my back in long strokes like he used to do when we first became lovers. It helped, but I was still freaking out. The creepy sense that something really bad was gonna happen came back. If I did that—if I fucked him face to face like a woman—it would mean certain doom. So I tried to pay attention to how sweet his petting felt, and ignore all the shit churning around in my chest, but it was hard.

"I had just turned fifteen when Master Enshirou called me to him the first time," he said quietly, still stroking me. All of a sudden he had my full attention. There was something about the tone of his voice that gave me chills. "I was so happy and flattered. I knew what to expect—what it meant when he asked if I would be ototo to him. Of course I said yes, and looked forward to our first time together with much excitement. Well, let's just say I came away from that experience very confused. He didn't want me the way he was supposed to want me. He only wanted my mouth. It was something certainly done, of course, but never spoken of. Something taboo.

"At first I thought it was because of my age, and that he would want me properly as I got older, but he never did. He never loved me that way. No one at the dojo would ever have believed I walked out of there a virgin after being his for so many years. I had never even heard of another boy in my situation—with an onii-san who only wanted to take him orally—so that made my mortification and shame even worse. Of course, I felt it was my fault. I felt there was something wrong with me, and that's what made him behave that way. And since he meant so much to me, it felt like the worst rejection you could imagine.

"Practically every day I'd be faced with it, as he asked me to do that forbidden thing and never offrerd me anything in return. I would have given him my body any time he asked me to. I wanted him to want me that way, and was deeply hurt that he didn't." He took a deep breath and so did I. I knew why he was saying it to me, and it really did help. I wasn't feeling anywhere near as scared anymore. I was feeling kinda sad for him. He stopped stroking and hugged me instead.

"But now, you see, I'm so glad life contrived to keep him out of me. I'm glad I was a virgin when we met and proud you were the first man to take me. I want you to know how much I need you to do this. I need you to want me like this. I can tell you're struggling with your own demons about it, and I want you to know how much I appreciate it. I'm grateful you're willing to be so brave and face them for me.

"All of this…it's working for me because it's you. I want to know it's you. I want to see you do it to me." He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back so we could look at each other, and kinda ground himself into my belly a bit. I slid up so that we could grind into each other and kiss too. After a while I came up for air, and he smiled. "Fuck me like this tonight, all right?" I decided I would.

I kissed him again, then got a nice tight hold of his arms before I attacked his right nip. He groaned and thrashed, but he wasn't going anywhere so I got to have some fun. He called me names in between his gasps and demanded that I stop, but I didn't until I felt like it. Wandering lower, I tongued his belly button and he hollered and threatened me with immediate death. I just laughed. It was so much fun to tickle him.

But then I took him in my mouth and did my thing for a while. I didn't have to hold him down anymore after that. He lay there moaning happily, and that made me feel great. I let him go after a while and wandered even lower, dipping my tongue in between his cheeks, waiting for the protest that always comes. He didn't disappoint.

"Mugen, don't! Not there. Ohhhhhhh…." I held on tight so he couldn't squirm away and got off on the sounds he made. Every time I did that he turned to mush, it was always so yummy. By the time I reached for the oil he was pretty melted—eyes closed, looking all beautiful without a hint of a frown on his face. I took my time easing myself inside him, but it didn't take too long.

About halfway there I could feel him watching, so I looked back and he smiled his damn-you're-hot smile at me. I just shook my head in disbelief and amazement, as I felt his legs pulling me even closer. I started moving nice and slow, and it was feeling really good. We were still watching each other, so I could see the idea hit him when it flashed across his face.

"Wait," he whispered. "Let me put my legs over your shoulders." I shuddered. He just kept pushing me and pushing me. I stopped thrusting for a moment and helped him readjust himself.

"You know," I warned. "I've never done this before, so don't expect much in the way of technique here." He smiled that smoky smile at me again and I stopped worrying. I guess that's why they call it 'doing what comes naturally.' It was luscious to fuck him like that! I tried to last as long as I could, but when I felt myself getting close I started to stroke him. He moaned his approval and I really let him have it. It was so fucking hot I barely outlasted him, but luckily I did. I came within seconds of him and my heart just lost it. He lowered his legs, I collapsed on his chest and he hugged me close.

"You're so goddamn amazing, I don't know how I can stand it," I said after I got my breath back some. "Thanks for letting me do this. For showing me I'm more than I thought I was."

"Thank you for wanting me so much," he replied. "It feels…healing for me. You're the best lover I have ever known, and I care..." He cleared his throat. "…very much. I'm grateful you've been my teacher in this." It was the biggest compliment he'd ever given me, so it sure mushed me out. I lifted my head and kissed him for a while, but I could tell we were both losing it.

I woke up the next morning still tangled up with him the way we fell asleep. Usually I move around so much at night I end up somewhere else, but not that night. He was already awake, of course, waiting for me. It was so sweet to wake up with him like that, we had to pull a quickie before we got out of bed. Good thing Fuu was already gone so we could.

And that's how Jin walked me through my fears about letting go of my uke self. He had to force me that first time and seduce me into the rest, but thank god he did! Every night he came after me, and every night I got to fuck him and survive. Nothing bad happened. Lightening never split my head open. Every night it got a little easier, and I got over feeling scared sooner.

He made me see how much he really needed me to be that for him—to be onii-san in the way his master refused to be. I couldn't have done it without his help, cuz the uke stuff went way too deep in me. Even with someone I wanted as much as Jin it was still really hard at first, and I put him through a lot before I finally got it into my thick skull that it was OK to fuck him. And, even better, I finally started to get it that he really wanted me to do it. I guess I hadn't understood what being a virgin meant to him before he told me his story. It made me really glad Jin killed the bastard for what he put him through all those years.

So he pushed me and pushed me until it became no big deal to fuck him. Well, that didn't sound right. It was always a big deal to fuck him, but it seemed natural to do it after a while. I didn't get scared anymore. In fact, I felt the opposite, and thought about fucking him all the time. He let me go crazy, and never complained about all the weird positions I wanted to try…well, hardly complained, anyway. Right up until we left Aki I was fucking him more than he was fucking me. I kept asserting myself and he kept letting me and I guess I got used to it. And after we got things sorted out about Sara, he was still letting me do it, so I guess it became part of what I was about at that point.

So, the idea of letting Captain Nunes fuck me seemed like going backwards or something. He kept on paying attention to me, and even though I felt more and more flattered, it didn't change my mind. It was just too cool to have this man I really looked up to being so persistent about his interest. By the time we got to Saigon, it was kindof obvious to everyone I guess, which didn't bother me at all except for one problem. Cristo.

Cristo became the bane of my life. Everyone else thought it was as hilarious as hell, but it was a fucking pain in the ass, let me tell ya. The brat hated my guts and didn't hesitate to show it. He was a creative little shit too. Practically every night before I went to sleep I'd find something in my hammock—dead fish, a rotten seagull egg, moldy old seaweed—you name it, he gifted me with it. Once I woke up screaming in pain cuz he'd put a goddamn crab in my pants while I was sleeping. It became a game with my crewmates, and they made bets on when it would happen and what it would be next. You'd think with a name like that—he was named after the Buddha guy the captain and his family believed in—he'd be less demonic, but it sure wasn't the case.

One nasty present left me with molasses in my hair, thank you so fucking much. The captain joined the small crowd around me on deck as I tried to wash it out, and laughed along with the rest of them. When they'd had their fun, he shooed them back to work and took me aside.

"Cristo strikes again, eh?" He was trying not to smile but not succeeding very well. I just nodded. "I appreciate your forbearance with him, Mugen. He's feeling a little threatened by you, I believe."

"Well what's up with that?" I asked. It was time to get to the bottom of this little mystery. "Everyone thinks you're fucking him. Are you?"

"I understand that's what the men believe, but if it matters to you, the answer is no," he replied. "I found him on a slaver's block when he was just five. He was attracting a lot of attention, as you might imagine, with his hair being the color it is and his beautiful face. It cost a lot to outbid the others who wanted him, but I couldn't bear to let him suffer the fate that awaited him as a sexual slave to some indolent oriental lord. I was heartbroken to discover he had already been used, and he didn't speak a word to anyone for months. It was a strange twist of fate to discover he was from my own country, although the northern part where many people are fair as he is. He could only tell me that he'd been living on the streets and was kidnapped. He didn't even know his last name.

"I've never been interested in children sexually in any event, and he feels too much like my own son to ever consider taking him that way. He's very possessive of me, however, as you have unfortunately learned." He hid his mouth behind his hand and chuckled a bit. "_Homem do tigre_, he calls you. Did you know? Tiger Man." He chuckled a bit more, then cleared his throat. "Seriously Mugen, if he ever goes too far, you have my permission to give him a sound thrashing, so long as you only use your hand and do not strike him in anger. If you meet those criteria, I will not interfere, should you decide it is necessary."

He paused for a few moments, looking thoughtful in this kindof seductive way, then began again. "I'm sorry you're suffering his wrath when there's no reason for him to treat you in this manner. Perhaps one day you'll decide to give him cause." Then he winked and took off. I was left there kinda reeling inside. It was the most obvious he'd ever been, and I was glad he left cuz I had to sit down to recover.

So what happened? Well I kept not approaching him and he kept not forcing the issue and I was happy with that. I got off on his regard and was glad to have it. I needed it from him like food. That's really what it felt like. I didn't want him to force the issue and kept practicing what I'd say if he tried to, but it never happened. He gave me his attention but he didn't make me do anything to get it. It just seemed to be there. It seemed he was interested in _me_, not what I could do for his body, which was really mind-blowing! It was so amazing.

He kept reminding me of Okuru, who I was drawn to in the same way. I guess the dumbest way to say it would be that he felt fatherly to me, although I don't know what the fuck that means because I never knew one. But if I had to pick one word, that would be it—father. I really loved how he let me be, that he didn't dog me and bully me into giving in. It really felt like he was OK with the fact that I wasn't returning his advances. That too, was mind-blowing, but I was really glad. So I got to get all these goodies from him and it really did something for me. First someone like Jin and then this guy. My luck with men was getting better and better!

I was finally feeling strong enough after a month or so to want to start training again, but it wasn't easy on a small ship like the Brightness. There was no room to swing a sword around without hitting someone or something, so I always had to wait till we were in port somewhere, and then hit the beach or some local greensward to work out. It was prolly the only bad thing about the situation I was in—that I was slowly losing my edge because I could only train now and again.

And my new sword, as much as I loved it, was taking a lot of getting used to. It was longer than my old one and heavier too, so everything that had been second nature to me before was not anymore. There was only one other swordsman on board, a guy from China called Lee, and we would work out together when we had the chance. At first, he kicked my ass every damn time we fought, but as I got stronger we were pretty evenly matched. And as time went by, I got some of my own back and beat him often enough not to feel ashamed anymore.

Then one night the captain joined the gang of crewmates watching and shouting us on. Bets were always being laid, but Lee was still the odds-on favorite most of the time. I won the last fight of the day, though, and had to listen to most of the guys complain that they'd lost their money. But Captain Nunes was smiling, and nodded to me when he saw me looking at him. He tossed the coin in the air to show he'd bet on me and won, then came over.

"That's quite a sword, Mugen," he noted. "May I see it?" I handed it to him and he gave a low whistle. "Amazing. Where did you get this? I'm astounded it's made its way so far around the world."

"It was a gift," I replied. "From the girl I told you about. The one we escorted before I took this job." He nodded slowly, still examining the workmanship. It _was_ really well made and impressive-looking, so I felt proud of it.

"That's quite a gift," he said, eyeing me curiously. "It's called a Bastard Sword and…."

"Huh?" It would just figure my cool new sword had a name like that.

"Yes. It's too short to be a Zweihander. This is most definitely a Bastard Sword, or a hand-and-a-half sword if you like, made by the Deutchlanders…either Swiss or German, I would imagine. That's a land even farther away than my own country. And my guess is that it's at least fifty years old, probably even older than that. She must have been very pleased with your service to have given you such a gift."

It was fun to learn that Fuu's little story about it wasn't too far from reality. I could tell he was having a hard time trying to figure the situation out. A guy's name carved into my arm and a strange European sword from a girl. He looked at me as if he was trying to find the truth in my face. I just shrugged my shoulders.

"I almost died a few times getting her where she wanted to go, and my own broke in the last fight I fought, so it seemed like a fair exchange I guess," I blustered. He didn't need to know that last fight had been voluntary. He nodded solemnly.

"Fair exchange indeed. It truly is amazing it's found its way here. The Deutchlanders are quite a powerful race. The people are tall and often fair like Cristo. Capable of beautiful work, as you see." He handed it back to me.

"Thanks for telling me about it." I was honestly happy to learn more. "All I know is that I've never seen another like it. It's taken me a long time to get used to it. My old one was really different and I had it a long time. I still miss it." I'd scored that sword when I was ten years old, and successfully fought off the handful who tried to take it from me over the years. And I did still miss it, even though I was really glad I had a new one that was so interesting.

Then I thought about Jin, and wondered how he was doing with his new sword. He wasn't making as great a leap as me, cuz he was going from katana to katana. His new one would feel different, of course, but not as different as what I was dealing with. And then I wondered what he was doing right then, while I was standing there on the beach with my crewmates and captain thinking about him. And then I wondered if he missed me as much as I missed him.

The dance I was dancing with the captain only took the edge off of how much I wanted to be with Jin again—inside his stillness, his quiet strength. I just ached for it all the time. So I kinda stood there spacing out thinking about him until someone poked me and I woke up. _Oh yeah, _he's_ here watching me. I forgot_. He looked at me in this you-sure-are-an-interesting-bastard-dammit way and I shrugged my shoulders again. Then he smiled and nodded slowly.

"I'm glad I could tell you a little bit about it," he said. "Perhaps it makes the loss of your old one easier to bear, knowing how extraordinary this one is." Then he turned and yelled for everyone to head back to the ship, so we all trudged off and that was that. I didn't think I could admire the guy any more than I already did, but I found I could. It was pretty freaky.

So the weeks went by and things were cool, but there were times when I could feel my resolve crumbling. Once it was so damn hot, we were jumping into the ocean from the bow to cool off. He stripped and joined us. Oh my god! He was bigger than me, hung like a fucking bull. It made me drool, but my ass was glad I wasn't playing uke with him. It helped my will power when I was feeling really lonely for Jin. I had good days and bad days, but most of the time I was content to fantasize and watch from a distance.

But then it happened. Someone asked me to bring him something and I agreed without thinking. It wasn't until I knocked on his door that I started to sweat. I'd always kept myself far away from his quarters, and realized too late I should have asked someone else to take it to him.

"_Entre_," he called from inside, and I went in. He was sitting at the tiny desk he had in there. He looked surprised when he saw it was me, and motioned for me to sit. I handed him the package—I think it was a map—and tried to escape. "Please Mugen, do sit down." Well what could I say to that? I sat down.

He eyed me in this thoughtful way, and I couldn't help but fidget. Damn him! "Well, my friend," he finally said, "we've been playing an interesting game for months now. What do you say we take some time to get to know each other better?" _Oh no!_ I took a deep breath, and tried to figure out how to answer him.

to be continued


	5. Chapter 5

**Wanderings, V**  
by Laura Bryannan

"You're leaving?!?" Fuu shrieked. "But you can't! We just found each other again. You can't leave, Jin!" She threw herself into my arms and was in tears once more, but I had no doubts. I knew what I wanted.

"Yes, I am leaving, Fuu. And you are going to come with me," I stated firmly.

She backed away and looked at me, hiccupping, her eyes big as moons. "With you?" she asked. "But where are you going?"

"To Ryukyu," I replied, and saw wonder replace the sadness in her face.

"Ryukyu…." she whispered. "That's where he grew up, isn't it?" I nodded. "You'd really take me with you?" I nodded again, and with a scream that stunned my ears her arms were around my neck and she was kissing me all over my face.

I had to laugh as I pried her off. "Fukashi," I reminded her, "such displays are unwise."

"Oh, right," she said, letting go. She grabbed my hand and started pulling me down the street. "Come help me tell Chiaki and Roku. They're gonna freak!" We walked a few blocks, and then she turned into a nice little establishment that was obviously closed for business, but still had a light shining inside. She walked in first.

"Fuu!" said two voices in unison. "We were so wor…." The woman's voice trailed off when she saw me.

"Look!" shouted Fuu, dragging me nearer. "I found him!"

"_This_ is the sailor?" the woman exclaimed, looking me up and down with a very confused expression. Fuu went red and I started chuckling.

"Oh," she squeaked, casting me a worried glance. "Um, no. There were actually two friends I was looking for…oh dear." She was wringing her hands in her hakama. "I just didn't tell you about this one," she finished in a tiny voice.

I bowed formally. "I am Takeda Jin. It's very nice to meet you both. Fuu has spoken of you fondly," I said.

They were still looking wary and unsure, and their expressions got even unhappier when Fuu began telling them of her plans to leave with me. "Ryukyu!" they exclaimed, when they heard our destination. "But that's a terrible place!" the man continued in a stern voice. "Young man, I don't know why _anyone_ would want to go there, and I'm against the idea of you taking a girl like Fuu to such a dangerous city."

I opened my mouth to respond, but Fuu beat me to it. "But Jin's the best swordsman in Japan!" she exclaimed. "I'll be fine as long as I'm with him. I'm so sorry I can't give you any notice or help you find a replacement for me, but I simply _must_ go! Please don't make it any harder for me. I'll miss you both so much. You've been so kind." The man opened and closed his mouth a few times, and the woman sighed.

I decided to leave the three of them to work it out. "I'll come for you at daybreak, Fuu," I said. "I think it's best if you wear the clothes you're wearing now, all right?" She smiled and nodded and then, with another bow to her employers, I left.

I stopped at the brothel hoping Daiyu might be there, but he wasn't. I asked about him, but no one had seen him since earlier that day. Making my final farewells to the girls who weren't busy, I beat a hasty exit as the groping and pinching got a bit much.

"Bye Jin," they giggled. "Come back as a customer next time, you handsome beast!" Sighing with relief, I made my way back to my room, but Daiyu wasn't waiting there, either. It saddened me, but there was nothing to be done.

So, Fuu and I set sail the following day. I had been concerned there might be a problem about getting her on board but, even though they had no extra space, they allowed us to share the small berth I paid for (and charged her only half the fare because of it) and we were all set.

The day was blustery but sunny, and we were both very excited when the ship finally left port. Fuu had never been on a sea journey either, so we stood on the deck together watching the coast get further and further away. We enjoyed the trip for all of an hour before the rolling waves began to make us both ill. Yes, we were both horribly seasick for the entire journey. Suffice to say, it was possibly the most miserable twenty-four hours of my life, and perhaps Fuu's as well.

It was early morning when we put into port at Ryukyu—a much busier, noisier and dirtier place than the port at Nagasaki, to be sure. We both breathed a sigh of relief when setting foot on the dock, and made our way out of the area. Locating an inn that appeared relatively clean and quiet, we dropped ourselves on the futons there and slept for most of the day, recovering from our journey.

Later at dinner we made our plans. Thankfully, we were both sitting on a little money, so we could take our time trying to find permanent lodgings and work. "How should we talk about ourselves?" she asked. "We don't look like brothers."

"Perhaps we can be cousins."

"Are you going to keep your real name?" came the next question.

It was a good one I hadn't considered. "My first, yes. My family name…I guess not. Any ideas?"

She looked down and blushed. "I don't think I should use my family name either, but my mother's name was a family name. Maybe we could use that. It's Wakana."

She peeked up at me, and I nodded smiling. "Wakana Jin. I like it. We'll be Wakanas then," I decided, and she beamed. "We'll have to put our heads together to find work for you as well. I don't believe your disguise would hold for long in a job surrounded by other men, and you can't work in a teahouse as a boy."

"Maybe I can cook. Maybe I can run errands for somebody. I'll figure something out." She looked determined and I knew she was good for it. Fuu always pulled her share. We settled our bill and headed back to our room, and as I closed the door behind us the reality of the situation exploded into my awareness. I had asked Fuu to come with me. I had asked Fuu to…live with me!

The full impact of that hit me like a punch in the gut. It had all happened so fast, I hadn't realized what I'd actually done. She was bustling about getting her things organized, not paying any attention to me at all. I was grateful she didn't see me stagger and take the deep breath I required to steady my nerves. We would have to discuss our situation soon, but hoped we could muddle through for a little while at least. Suddenly I heard her heave a great sigh. She turned to me and her eyes were glistening with tears.

"Come here," she said softly. "I'll share this with you." She was holding something made of red cloth…his gi! I walked over and knelt next to her. She held it to her face and inhaled, then handed it to me. "This is the only place you can smell him, at the back of the neck."

I did the same and, oh my god, it _was_ him! I closed my eyes and I couldn't move for a few moments. It felt as though my heart stopped. I don't know how long I sat there breathing him in before I remembered she was there. I opened my eyes and heaved my own great sigh. "Oh Fuu. Thank you," I said, still holding it near my face. I wasn't ready to give it back to her quite yet. "Can I hold it just a little longer?"

She smiled and nodded. "I can leave it out somewhere, if you want," she offered. "I told him a white lie that it was too damaged to fix. I probably could have mended it, although it would have looked crappy with so many patches. I wanted to make him a new one so I could keep this one." She blushed and looked down.

"I'm very glad you kept it, and so grateful you shared it with me," I said sincerely, finally handing it back to her. "I think it's a good sign the fates bumped us into each other, don't you?"

She nodded in reply. I felt profound relief that she herself had brought Mugen into the space with us. I had been worrying she would focus on me since I was here and he was not, and there was no telling when, if ever, he would show up. "It's always been that way before," she asserted firmly, and I agreed. "I want to believe he'll find us somehow," she went on.

"I do too. I think he will." I smiled at her and she smiled back. Then we both looked at the mutilated gi in her lap. Again, I felt relief. We were both still focused on him, not each other. This was good. "Well, goodnight Fuu," I finally said, getting up to unroll my futon.

"G'night, Jin," she replied, still puttering with her belongings. I fell asleep before she blew out the light.

It took a few weeks before we secured a place to stay, and in the process of looking for a house we got to know the area near the port relatively well. It seemed an unspoken agreement we wouldn't look too far from there. A slight language barrier had to be overcome, but thankfully there were so many different nationalities represented in Ryukyu, we could usually muddle by. Enough similarities existed between Chinese, Japanese and the language of Ryukyu, that you could use a pidgin of what you knew and generally be understood.

In any event, most of the neighborhoods we happened upon were rough and not suitable for us. But as we explored further we finally found it—not in the greatest part of town, but in a decent neighborhood far enough away from the various red light districts not to be affected by them. On the corner of the block, it reminded me of our house in Aki, as it had two rooms, with a hearth in the front room. It even had a small yard out back with a stone fence around it. Fuu was immediately excited about getting started on a garden. With the money we had, we were able to put down the deposits required and lease the place for a year.

We spent the next few days hunting around for the things we would need to set up housekeeping. After I got over my initial shock at finding myself in Fuu's company once more, it became quite enjoyable. She was different in her boy clothes, and it was interesting indeed. I didn't know if she was doing it on purpose or not, but she pitched her voice lower and spoke more slowly. She seemed quieter and less…well, girly, I suppose, and I liked that very much. I had always felt relatively comfortable in her presence anyway, and I felt even more so now. We wandered around looking for shops that sold the various things we needed, and the air between us was easy and fun.

We bought two futons, linens and blankets, as well as a few pots for the hearth and bowls to eat from. Fuu wanted to buy some gardening tools so she could start preparing the ground in the yard for a garden in the spring. There was a privy in the back corner of the property that would need some attending to make it ready for us, so we got cleaning supplies, lime and other necessities as well. She didn't mention how husband and wifey it was to be doing all this together, and I was grateful for that. I bought a roll of paper, more brushes and ink so we could draw in the evenings. And so our life together began.

In our wandering to locate household goods, we discovered a small neighborhood business district a few blocks away from our house. There was a general store, a greengrocers, a meat market, a public bathhouse, a few places to eat and a tavern. It was very handy to have such conveniences so close to home.

And, even better, spending time at the general store was how Fuu and I both found work. The owner of the store, Soong-san, had a father he doted on—a father who had decided it was time to write his memoirs. Through a coincidence too complicated to describe, he learned I knew how to write and immediately hired me to become the old man's private secretary. I had been hoping to avoid another job with late hours like the one I had at the brothel, so I was very happy. Soong-ojiisan was an interesting man who had lived a fascinating life (if the story I was transcribing for him had any truth to it). I enjoyed his company and looked forward to spending time with him each day.

Soong-san also owned one of the teahouses on the block, and ended up hiring Fukashi as a support person to the cook. It was a great job for Fuu, as it kept her out of the way of the general public. And since the rest of the help were women, it was unlikely her cover would be blown working there. She said she really enjoyed not having to interact with customers serving tables all day as she had been accustomed to doing.

The pattern of our days fell into place. I was usually up first, and would stir the fire and get some water heating before going out back to practice my kata. Fuu was always up and dressed by the time I returned, and we would sit together and have breakfast before heading to work.

In the evenings I began to train her in sword use. She wanted to wear her father's wakazashi, and I didn't think it wise for her to carry a sword she didn't know how to wield. We would go out to the back yard and work through the beginning forms together. These were routines usually taught to boys aged seven or eight but, since Fuu was a complete novice, that's where we began. She was a quick study, I was pleased to note, and learned the ideas easily. Then we would make some dinner, chat and draw for a while then go to bed. Since our schedules were so similar, things worked out nicely for us, and I found life very enjoyable.

It was interesting to me how I had been able to put them both on a shelf in the back of my mind when I was on my own. It had even felt as though I was moving past my constant longing for Mugen, at least most of the time. But with Fuu there the feelings came back to me full force. Even though the situation between us was comfortable, it felt strange to be together without him. No matter how nice it was to have Fuu's company again, it brought the fact that he was missing from the equation into sharp focus.

I couldn't stop thinking about him. I found myself feeling awake again, alive again and horny again. The aching and openness was back in my heart and, while it felt uncomfortable at times, I was glad to know I was still alive in that way. I hadn't realized how much I had been drifting back into my old dead self in those months I was alone in Nagasaki. It hurt too much to pay attention to it, I suppose.

But with Fuu in my presence every day, I found myself waking up again. The process began on the day we all met, and tentatively grew as we continued our journey together. The culmination of that awakening, looking back on it now, occurred in Aki—in the innocent bliss of our lives before Sara.

The last time Mugen and I made love in Aki was when I finally woke up for good. Something happened that evening and I was never the same. I'm still not exactly sure what happened, even now. But I can see the main reason I got so upset at his behavior toward Sara was because of that last time together. I was feeling so emotionally vulnerable I couldn't handle all the attention he gave her and made many bad choices. Even though we had some luscious times at that inn east of Saga, our ginger adventure in particular, when I was alone at night I found my fingers tracing the scar on my arm and my mind returning to that last time in Aki.

The journey Mugen took me on that evening began strangely enough, considering Fuu was watching us. He lay down on his side next to me while I was on my back and we were kissing, his hand up the leg of my hakama. He touched and stroked me until it was impossible to lay still. But instead of pulling everything off so he could get his mouth on me, he just kept exploring with his hand. It was so nice, but so unlike him, I was very intrigued. When I was gasping against his mouth, I could feel him smile, then he sat up.

"Untie yourself, K? I'm gonna go find the oil," he said. He went hunting in the bedroom and I started working all my various knots, happy to note that Fuu was no longer in the house. I was untying my juban when he lay down next to me again, naked now, his cock glistening with oil. He scooped my knees up and curled around me. "Help me," he whispered, and I took him in hand and put him where we wanted him to be. He pushed inside inch by succulent inch till he was fully seated, then set my legs down on top of his thighs. "Let's see how long I can hold out if we don't move too much, K?" he asked. I nodded. It sounded like an interesting game.

We kissed for a long while, his fingers tracing my ear, throat and shoulder; gently stroking, giving me shivers. Every shudder caused involuntary clenching that reminded me his full length was buried deep inside. The girth of it was always a little breathtaking. His touch felt so nice, and it was both relaxing and arousing me, but I was still very curious what he was up to. Eventually he pulled back.

"Lemme do what I want tonight," he demanded. I hesitated and probably made a face while I thought about it. He leaned in and nibbled on my ear. "Come on," he whispered, "trust me."

"All right," I decided, "I trust you." More life-altering words I have never spoken before or since. He smiled and kissed me, and his hand began wandering again. Along my Adam's apple, shoulder blade, then to my nipple, teasing it so that my entire body jerked in response. I bit down on his tongue, then let go when he stopped.

"You said I could do what I want," he complained.

I sighed. "I know, but must you do that?"

"I must, I must," he leered. "Now shaddup and let me play. I gotta feeling about this," he insisted, shoving me with his hips for emphasis. I sighed again and closed my eyes, resigning myself to the undoing. He leaned down and we began kissing again, his fingers randomly stroking my chest and neck, and I began to relax.

Kissing Mugen is honestly one of the most erotic things I have ever had the privilege of experiencing, and that evening I found my senses jolted over and over again. With his tongue in one end and his cock in the other, there almost seemed to be a current between those two parts running through the middle of me. It felt so extraordinary, I was moaning into his mouth. I have no idea how long we kissed like that before he backed away, both of us panting.

"Let me take you from behind. Lay over the table, K?" It took me a moment before I could muster the wherewithal to get up, but we managed to rearrange ourselves without disconnecting, and the sensations I felt inside as we moved were simply exquisite.

I was sitting on his lap with my chest on the table, head resting on my arms. He draped himself over my back, and I could feel him shuddering for a few moments. Then he began to touch me again, using both hands now. He stroked my thighs, which he knows I adore, and I immediately liquefied. He went on and on, sometimes moving high enough to caress my ass and lower back, other times massaging my calves. I was in bliss. The continual sensation of him filling me up in addition to his touch—my whole body began to feel alive and sensitized. It was amazing.

I didn't want him to stop, but then he moved to my feet. Oh my god. I moaned in ecstasy. He knows what it does to me. There are times when I'd rather have a foot rub than an orgasm. I love it that much. In some dimly lit part of my mind I realized he was pulling a _me_ on me. This is what I did to him. I would touch him, stroke him and pet him; take my time melting him. It was glorious to be on the receiving end of such attention. He was relaxed on my back, lazily massaging my toes…oh purr. I was losing all my strength it felt so good. Again I lost track of the time, aware only of the wonderful feeling of him stroking my feet and the fullness of him inside me. I never wanted it to stop. When I finally felt him stir I growled in protest without even willing it.

"Come on, I want to move." He backed out of me and I whimpered, having a hard time gathering my wits. The sensation of being suddenly empty was startling, and I didn't like it. He grabbed me under the arms and helped me stand, walking us over to the little bench that always lived by the hearth. Kicking it away from the wall, he sat down and guided me onto his lap, facing him, straddling his hips. We both moaned as I brought him back inside and leaned against him, my head on his shoulder. He hugged me and I felt so languid and peaceful, it was heavenly.

"How are you managing to stay hard for so long?" I inquired. I couldn't remember a time when it had happened before.

"Don't complain," he replied, his hands moving in long strokes over my back.

I sighed in happiness. It felt as though every cell in my body was tingling. "Ummmmm…not complaining." I adjusted my hips a bit and he gasped. He rubbed my lower back and ass cheeks for a long while, then reached lower to trace the sensitive skin stretched so tight around him. I shuddered uncontrollably and didn't feel as though I had the strength to lift my head from his shoulder. We were both panting and sweaty, I noticed, even though we were just sitting there, and our bellies were soaked with the juices leaking out of me. He spread his thighs apart a little bit so he could reach to my balls, and then teased and touched everything down there for so long I was unable to do anything but gasp and shiver. I had no will of my own left.

"Every time I touch you like this," he whispered, his fingers tracing around himself, teasing the skin where our bodies met for emphasis, "you clench me so sweet inside." He kept doing it and I moaned as my body jerked like a puppet on a string. His attentions brought all my awareness to my lower half. The unmistakable presence of him inside me, the heart-meltingly sweet languor I felt as he teased the skin of my entrance.

I could actually feel an orgasm building inside me, even though I had no idea how it would come out. But there was a warmth growing in my gut that felt familiar and yet unfamiliar, considering it was focused more inside me than in my cock, which is where I was used to feeling such feelings. It was wonderfully strange. Then his hands moved upwards to my chest, slowly circling their ultimate targets.

"Hold on to me," he warned, as he found my nipples again. I shuddered and cried out, my head jerking backwards off of his shoulder. I would have flung myself off of his lap if I hadn't been hanging on to him as he'd told me to. He started gently enough, flicking at them both lightly as I gasped and convulsed uncontrollably, my head lolling onto his shoulder once again. I just clung to him for dear life, allowing the sensations to wash over me. He got more intense as my body got used to the attention, rolling and pinching.

I was amazed to feel myself getting ready to cum, and I imagine my hips were rocking against him, but I don't honestly know for sure. All I was aware of was this amazing sensation growing deep inside me. It felt as though there was a line of flame running from my ass to my heart that was getting hotter and brighter. Then it just exploded inside me, almost as though the flames burst from my foundation, through my heart and up out the top of my head. Everything went white, and I don't remember anything for a while. When I came back, he was hugging me and rocking us both, murmuring little somethings.

"That's right, that's good…" he was whispering into my hair, "…oh man…so fucking sweet. Look at you, all melted and yummy…let me see…." He grabbed my shoulders and gently pushed me away, and I felt confused when I saw a look of concern suddenly replace the blissful one on his face. "Hey, are you OK? Did I hurt you?" he asked.

"I'm fine. I'm wonderful," I managed to reply, wondering what was wrong. He cocked his head to the side and reached out and caught a tear on his finger. I was crying and I didn't even know it! I couldn't believe myself. It didn't feel as though I were crying. I wasn't sobbing or anything like that, but tears were most definitely streaming down my face. "I guess I'm a little overwhelmed," I admitted, dropping my head back onto his shoulder so he couldn't see me in such a state.

"You've never cum like that before, huh?" It wasn't really a question.

"Never," I admitted with a contented sigh, feeling my consciousness blissfully slipping away into oblivion.

"Now you know why I like cumming from just fucking." I could feel him chuckling as he hugged me and continued to rock us both slowly. I had no memories of his orgasm, but I figured he must have cum because I could feel him getting softer inside me.

"Thank you Mugen," I whispered. "Something happened just now. I'm not sure what, but I've never felt anything like it before. It was amazing. Thank you so much."

He pushed me away again so we could look at each other. "I felt it too," he said with a dreamy smile. "Pretty wild shit!" He put his hands on either side of my face and pulled me into a kiss. It was deep and slow and sweet, but it didn't keep me from slipping further into a dreamlike state. He's so strong, he lifted me up as though I weighed nothing and carried me to the bedroom. He curled up behind me in his usual way and I felt so profoundly taken care of, so well loved, it was a wonder to me. I fell asleep feeling safer than I'd ever felt before, and it only became ironic _after_ Sara arrived in our lives.

I couldn't believe how being in Fuu's presence brought all of those memories back to me in full force. The complete tenderness and openness I felt toward Mugen didn't go away. A part of me looked at him as though he were some wonderful confectioner and I was a little child chasing after him for the goodies he had in his pockets.

I can see in hindsight that my jealousy toward Sara had been way out of proportion to his behavior simply because I couldn't believe he could bust my heart open the way he did and then, just a few days later, come on to someone he had just met. But even though they were bittersweet, I was grateful those memories came back into my life again. I hadn't realized how I'd been hiding from them when I was on my own. I was glad to have a reason to be alive again. Reuniting Fuu was a reason, and my body knew it.

I found myself paying attention to her in ways I knew I shouldn't. She was so much more attractive to me as a boy that I was embarrassed and somewhat mortified by my feelings. I had _never_ thought about Fuu sexually in all those months we spent together, but now I found myself drifting off into little fantasies about what it might be like to take her…from behind, of course. Possibly pretending she _was_ a boy. It was pathetic, I knew, but the fact remained and I couldn't shake it. There was something just…scrumptious about her in boy's clothes.

As I mentioned, she behaved differently as well, even when we were alone at home. And I'm sure it wasn't just her clothes. I believe she really was different, just as I was different. The horrific events before our parting and the months alone had changed us both. But it all added up to something I found very intriguing. I had no intention of ever acting on it, but I will admit it became fun to think about. I did everything I could not to be obvious about it but, as the weeks went by, I could tell we were both eyeing each other more. It wasn't enough to make things uncomfortable between us, but our relationship was moving in a direction that was possibly dangerous.

I contrived to keep myself busy, lingering at the shops "downtown" as we called it, and coming home from work a little later than I used to. It was during one of those lingering excursions that I bumped into _it_—the thing that became my obsession for two weeks. Talking to Soong-san one evening I mentioned that the kimono I wore had been a gift, but it was too short and didn't really fit properly.

His eyes lit up and he ran to a room in the back. "I know just what you need! Wait and see!" he shouted. He came back with a hunk of cloth wrapped in paper. As he opened it, my breath caught. It was a kimono in the most beautiful shade of red I had ever seen. Yes, red. Not bright red like he wore, but deep red with a lot of black in it. Not a burgundy or wine, but true red, just in a very deep tone. I immediately fell in love with it, but couldn't picture myself in it. _Me? Wear his color?_ Soong-san shook it out and it was magnificent, with a fascinating pattern woven into the fabric. Holding it up to my shoulders, it was apparent it would fit me perfectly.

"I don't know. I've always worn blue," I said.

He shook his head. "Nah. This red is the color for you," he replied firmly. "Look perfect with your black hair and fair skin."

I eyed it longingly. Well, as I said, it became my obsession for two whole weeks before I finally gave in and bought it. I would go and take another look at it every few days and try to make up my mind. It wasn't an issue of money. It wasn't inexpensive, but neither was it out of my reach. The issue was whether or not I could let go of my old self enough to wear something so different. Soong-san indulged me, wise businessman that he was, letting me visit it as often as I liked.

Finally, however, he pushed. "OK. You go in the back and try it on. And then you look in the glass here and tell me it doesn't suit you." I hesitated for a moment and he pressed further, holding it out. "Indulge me Wakana-san." I took it, deciding it might be wise to do as he asked considering he was my employer. When I returned he nodded smugly. "Ah yes. Much better for you. Look!" He held out a hand mirror and I could tell he was right. The color worked for me very nicely. I couldn't deny it. And my heart wanted it very, very much, so I finally paid for it and wore it home.

Fuu was surprised, to say the least. "Oh my!" she gasped when she saw me, her eyes going wide. "Jin, what a beautiful kimono! Did you just buy it?"

I nodded. "Do you like it?" I couldn't stop myself from asking.

"Oh yes! It looks wonderful on you! I love it!" she enthused.

"I'm glad," I replied. "I've been lusting after it for weeks, and finally gave in." After we finished our training for the evening, I always went downtown to have a bath with some of the other men working out with us. Fuu couldn't, of course, but I told her to meet me downtown later and I'd buy her dinner. She smiled and said yes without hesitation, so we made plans to meet at the teahouse Fukashi didn't work at.

"I smell the food in my place all day," she said. "Let's go somewhere else." It made sense to me. We were halfway through dinner when I realized there was a problem. Just as Fuu's boy clothes made me look at her differently, she was most definitely looking at me differently at dinner. She kept staring…blushing when my glance caught her at it. It was unsettling. I could tell something was brewing inside her, and I became more and more nervous as we finished our food. Praying she'd work it out on her own, my prayers were not answered. I could tell by how red she was it was going to be something big. I was right.

"Jin, will you make love with me tonight?" she whispered.

to be continued


	6. Chapter 6

**Wanderings, VI**

by Laura Bryannan

OK, so I'm totally nuts. I asked Jin to make love with me even though I knew he'd say no. Even though I knew he _should_ say no. But I couldn't help it. Two months under the same roof and I was going insane. I could have sworn he was looking at me differently since we got back together. He never had eyes for anyone but Mugen before, but now…it seemed like _maybe_ he was interested. I wasn't sure. At dinner that night the wondering got too hard. He was looking so fine in that shade of red—even more than he usually did—I couldn't stand it anymore. So I said it and then immediately regretted it.

"Make love with you?" he asked, looking very surprised and not particularly pleased.

I was horrified. "Ack," I moaned, my face in my hands. "Forget I asked. Just forget it!"

"I'm glad you asked, Fuu," he said softly.

I looked up at him, and he was smiling at me. I freaked. "You are?"

He nodded. "This is a conversation we need to have, don't you think? We're attracted to each other and we should discuss it," he stated calmly, even though he was kind of blushing. I was so flustered it took me a minute before I even heard what he said. But I quickly played it back in my mind and, yes, he _had_ said it. He said he was attracted to me! I couldn't believe it! I started to feel a little less mortified. Maybe I wasn't so crazy after all.

"You're really attracted to me?" I had to hear him say it again.

"Yes Fuu, I am. But I'm not ready to act on those feelings yet. I'm not ready to give up hope that he'll return to us. Are you?" I shook my head and said no. I tried to look calm and serious even though I wanted to jump up and down and scream, _'he likes me, he likes me!'_ I was so happy it was hard to pay attention when he kept talking. "I'd like to think of the two of us together as the only good thing about our never seeing him again. Until we're ready to stop waiting, I would prefer to be good. What do you think?"

"I agree. But…well…do you really think he'd be upset if he returned and found us together? He was always willing to share you with me when he was around." I couldn't stop pushing, I guess.

"After what we put him through over Sara…well…what _I_ put him though over Sara when he wasn't even unfaithful…yes, I do believe he'd be upset. I would be upset, so that's the only thing I have to go on. Let's be good for now, all right?"

"But how long should we wait?" I asked, as we got up to head home.

"When we've given up hope of ever seeing him again and the despair gets too great, we'll discuss it at that point," he replied. It sounded like his mind was made up. We didn't talk all the way home, but when we went inside the house I turned to him.

"Will you kiss me?" I asked. Where I got the courage to say it, I have no idea.

His eyes went wide, and he sighed. "No, Fuu. As the saying goes, I fear one would not be enough and two would be too many." He held out his arms, though, and beckoned me to him. "A hug instead?" he asked. I leapt at the chance and happily cuddled against him, although I was disappointed to notice that I could smell the fabric of his new kimono more than his usual sandalwood self. He kissed the top of my head, then let me go and turned away. "Goodnight Fuu," he said, unrolling his futon. I took the hint, said goodnight and went into my room.

Lying in bed, I wondered how I got myself into such a situation. I couldn't put my finger on it, really. All I know is that somewhere along our journey, I started looking at Jin differently. I started out with this total crush on Mugen and ended up feeling in love with both of them by the time we all parted. And now that it was just Jin and me…well I was practically obsessed with him.

I would get up in the morning and always find the fire going nicely and water boiling. He'd be out back doing his workout and I'd have a quick wash and then start fixing something for us to eat for breakfast. I always wanted to have my stuff mostly done before he got back inside, so I could sit and eat and peek at him as he got ready for work. He would sit by the fire, strip to the waist…yum…wash up and shave.

Jin is a thin man, but his body is totally sculpted and hard. Seeing his chest…those arms, oh I loved watching him shave! He had this little ritual he did every time. First he'd arrange everything in front of himself—his razor, his whetstone, his soap, a bowl of water and a towel on his lap—then he'd hone his razor, soap himself up and do it without even looking. When he was done he'd check himself out in the reflection of his razor and go after anything he missed, but he hardly ever missed anything. He looked so handsome when you could see his beard coming in, I poked him about it once.

"Why don't you let it grow, Jin? You look really good that way. Even Mugen thought so," I said, figuring that would get his attention. It did. He turned to me, looking puzzled.

"Only old men wear beards," he stated. And then, after a pause, he continued, "You and Mugen talked about…my beard?" He looked doubtful, and I nodded.

"Only once. That time you were sick after we met Okuru. You hadn't shaved and we both thought you looked really…um…manly." I was too embarrassed to say how much we'd gone on and on about how hot he'd looked, but we sure had. "Mugen was jealous because he couldn't grow a good one like you. Besides, I'm not talking about a long, old man beard, but a sexy, short one," I added. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, but looked pleased anyway.

So we would hang out and chat at bit while he finished eating and then we would walk downtown together to go to work. For me, that meant chopping and slicing and peeling and stirring and tending everything in Kanna's kitchen at the teahouse. She was a really fun lady, maybe ten years older than me, and she was the cook. I was the prep person, so I did all the crap stuff and she did all the fun stuff, but that was OK, because I liked her a lot and learned so much from her.

Jin and I had decided I should knock two years off my age, in hopes to account for my tiny, beardless self, so everyone at work thought Fukashi was thirteen. I was so busy all day the time just flew by. The girls who waited on customers there were lots of fun. They ignored me at first, but eventually I got to know them all, and even considered a few of them to be friends. It was weird, because I never had girlfriends when I was a girl. I was too busy helping mama in our little sewing shop. And then, after she got sick, well….

Strangely enough, I made a few friends on our journey, particularly in Aki because we stayed there so long. Anyway, the girls at the teahouse were all either my own age or a little older, so it was both exciting and wonderful to have them tease and flirt with me, thinking I was a guy when I wasn't. And since I was the only guy my age who worked there, that merited some attention. It made my job lots more fun, that's for sure!

After work I would walk home, and Jin would usually show up soon after. We'd head out to the back yard and he'd help me practice with my sword. It was the funniest thing. We were out there every evening and we started drawing a crowd. First it was the next-door neighbor, an older man from China, Wei-san. He'd hang over the fence and watch us every day. And then our across the street neighbor, Shuiyu-san, would wander into Wei-san's yard and watch with him. We'd work out and they would chat. A few more neighbors began to congregate after the second or third week, I guess, and then Wei-san asked Jin if he could join us and Jin said yes, so he did.

Well, to make a long story short, after a few months it became a regular thing in our neighborhood for folks to hang out around our house at sunset. We had to move the class to the front yard because there were too many people joining us to fit in the back yard anymore. The neighborhood people would all be talking to each other, men arguing, women with babies, young folks giggling and gossiping, little kids running around yelling. I think it was just a convenient excuse to all say hi to each other every day. It was fun. We knew our relationship was the source of a certain amount of gossip—folks who believed we had a bushido thing going—but it didn't seem to keep them from coming around.

The group doing the forms with Jin and me was never constant. It could range from ten to twenty people, I'd say, on any given evening. There was a core group practically every day though, Wei-san being one of them. He and Jin got on great, and I could tell that Jin really enjoyed having someone he could talk weapons and fighting styles and all that stuff with. For an old guy, he could really move, too. Anyway, the ages of our class members ranged from men Wei-san's age, in their fifties or sixties, all the way down to this ten year old street kid. They were from everywhere too, just like everyone we met in Ryukyu.

I loved learning how to use my wakazashi. I loved learning from Jin. He was such a good teacher—always clear about what I was supposed to be doing, always patient with my mistakes. I would get embarrassed and want to quit, and he would be sweet but firm about my continuing. It was even more amazing to watch him teach other people. He was so obviously in his element, it was almost as if he were a different person. He seemed so comfortable and confident. It seemed so natural for him. I didn't know why it was surprising to me, but it was.

I found myself getting jealous of the other students sometimes, when he would praise them or pay attention to them. Especially if they were women. Yup, there were a few women who usually showed up. There was this one who was really pretty, so she made me really nervous. It was obvious she was totally gaga over Jin. Made me want to smack her. Eventually people stopped calling him Wakana-sai and just called him Shinshi or Sensei, depending on where they were from.

Well, we'd go through the forms for an hour or so, and then we'd do some socializing before I'd disappear inside to take my bath. Jin almost always went to the bathhouse downtown after class, but I couldn't do that, unfortunately. I had to do my tubbing at home, or I'd blow my cover. We splurged on a rain barrel that lived in the backyard though, and that helped a lot. Usually, the only water we had to lug from the well downtown was for cooking and drinking. We could use our rainwater for everything else. The wooden tub inside was large enough for me to sit in, thankfully. I missed being able to soak in a big one, but such was my fate. So if I wanted to take a bath I usually did it then, while he was downtown with Wei-san and the other men.

He was finally mine, all mine, when he returned from the bathhouse. Sometimes he'd bring dinner home from one of the teahouses. Other times we cooked something. It just depended on how lazy we were feeling. It was always my favorite part of the day. We would sit by the fire and talk or doodle. Jin usually had something funny or interesting to share about Soong-ojiisan's never-ending life saga. Of course, we were both glad it was never-ending, because Jin really enjoyed the job.

The girls at work were always doing crazy things that made me laugh, and he'd shake his head at my stories about them as well. I'd never met Soong-ojiisan, but I knew what he looked like because I watched Jin draw a series of portraits of him. He also drew pictures of Soong-san, and Soong-san's maid, cook, wife and three children. I _did_ know what Soong-san and his family looked like, and their pictures were amazingly accurate. It got me to thinking, but it took me a week to get up the guts to ask.

"Would you draw a portrait of…him?" I held my breath. His head jerked around and he looked at me intently, then his eyebrows came up and I could practically see his brain thinking, _well, why not?_ His eyes closed and he stroked his chin for a few moments. Then he looked at me again.

"I could try, I suppose," he said quietly. He looked back at the paper and closed his eyes once more. Then he dipped his brush in the ink and, in just a few minutes, drew Mugen from the shoulders up. Just to see it happen took my breath away. When he sat back, it looked so much like him there were tears in my eyes. It was a semi-profile, with Mugen looking down, off to the side. Jin drew him with such a sweet expression too; one of my favorite Mugen faces. It must have been one of Jin's too, I realized, or he wouldn't have drawn it.

"Ohhhh Jin," I breathed, "it's beautiful. I miss him so much!"

He sighed. "I do too," he whispered. He ripped the picture out from the roll and put it up on the mantel. "He'll help us be good," he said with a little smile, then he turned to me and I blushed, I just knew it.

"I need all the help I can get," I admitted.

His eyes widened and he cleared his throat. "Yes," was all he said. "Well, I should get to bed," he hinted, and I got up to head to my room. He hugged me the way he usually did. It was the only time I spent in his arms, so I treasured it. He always let me go more quickly than I hoped he would. We'd whisper goodnight to each other and go to our lonely beds in our lonely, separate rooms. I didn't always go right to sleep, of course. Sometimes I was just too worked up about him to sleep, and needed to take care of…things first. I found myself dreaming about what it would be like to do it with him. Unfortunately, that meant facing some stuff in my life that I didn't like to think about, namely Seiji.

Seiji, the first and only man I ever had sex with, one horrible time. I can't even say he made love to me, because he didn't. Even though I know now he was just a lousy lover—he didn't make me ready properly and that's why it hurt so much—that time sure left a bad impression on me. It was the main reason I didn't push Mugen to do more than we did when we were together. Mugen was so much bigger than Seiji it was scary to think of him inside me, even if I _was_ ready. Seiji hurt a lot. How could someone Mugen's size not hurt more?

But then there was that afternoon after Mugen killed Sara. I walked in on them and Mugen's hand was inside Jin's hakama. All my questions about Jin were answered when Mugen invited me to join them. I'd only seen him in his not-erect state before, and I'd never been so close to his body. I could tell he wasn't as big around as Mugen, but he was longer, which made me smile. Everything about Jin was long, it seemed. I couldn't help myself when I felt him getting ready to cum. I just had to take it. I hungered for him in this way I couldn't figure out. Getting my face so near to him, the exotic sweetness of his scent there, and his taste…I'll never forget it.

So as the months went by, I would lay in bed listening to Jin in the next room and think about him. I would touch myself and fantasize about him. His size didn't seem as frightening to me as Mugen's did. The idea of actually doing _it_ with a man started to seem exciting instead of scary, especially if the man was Jin. I'd start where my actual experience with him left off, and imagine what it might have happened if I hadn't fallen asleep after my orgasm.

I remembered how he curled around Mugen that night I watched them, and put myself in Mugen's position. It would be so sweet to lie in his arms like that and kiss him. I love kissing Jin. Actually, now that I think about it, I know when I first started falling for him. It was that day we all smoked opium together, and I watched Mugen kiss him, and then I got to kiss him too. And then they both got naked in front of me. I was done for after that, let me tell you. I don't think I have ever recovered from that day.

Of course, in my fantasies everything feels wonderful and it's all so romantic. Unfortunately, after I've had my fun, my practical self remembers—I thought it would be that way with Seiji too. But the longer Jin and I lived together, the easier it became to forget that part. I just had this super crush on him. It got bigger and bigger as a few more months went by and still no Mugen. I could tell Jin was thinking about me too. I could just feel it. It was so exciting it made me feel guilty sometimes. I'd have traitorous thoughts about Mugen never returning and immediately feel horrible about it. It was so confusing. It was awfully hard to have Jin so close, to be so intimate with him every day, yet feel like I couldn't touch him or have any more of him than that little hug before bed. I was good, I'll have you know. I didn't humiliate myself beyond that time at dinner but, oh, it was hard!

And then Yunta came through for me. She was one of the servers at the teahouse I worked at. She was fifteen and really fun. She was usually the one who thought to include me when the girls were doing stuff after work. So, of course, I really appreciated that. She was a native-born Ryukyuian, and that intrigued me a lot, I'll admit. She even wore clothes with triangle designs like Mugen used to wear. You could almost always tell the native folk by those triangle designs on their clothes or things.

To be honest, you could usually tell where anyone was from by how they were dressed. Us Japanese folk wore kimono and hakama and such. The Chinese people wore tunic-type tops and loose pants, even the women, although I would often see fine ladies (and some whores too) wearing traditional cheongsam. The Ryukyuians wore lose-flowing shirts and tight shorts or pants, usually with some kind of triangle design on them. Anyway, one day Yunta came into the kitchen and threw a little bit of something wrapped in silk onto the table I was chopping at.

"Would you look at this! Some jerk left me a hunk of dirt as a tip," she complained. I took a look inside, as she had already loosened the string. I immediately freaked. It was opium! I wanted it really, really bad.

"This is opium, Yunta," I informed her. "I smoked it once with my cousin. It's lots of fun. Do you want to try it?" She wasn't the one I wanted to share it with, but it _was_ hers after all. She said she didn't want to. Hooray! "Could I buy it from you?" I asked, and I actually crossed my fingers behind my back.

"Oh, I wouldn't hear of it. Just take it. You can buy me lunch tomorrow, OK?" she winked, and I immediately agreed. I couldn't believe my luck! I stuck it in my sleeve and felt so excited. I hoped Jin would want to smoke it with me. It brought back such good feelings from before, it felt like something good might happen again. Boy was I right! I pulled it out after dinner that night. His eyes got big and his jaw dropped.

"Fuu! Where did you get that?" he gasped.

"One of the girls at the teahouse got it as a tip. She gave it to me. Amazing, huh?" He nodded with this hungry-looking smile on his face. My heart soared. I could tell he wanted to do it too. "Can we smoke it?" I asked.

He nodded and got up to go find his pipe. It wasn't a whole lot as it turned out, but it was enough to make _me_ feel really nice. It looked like Jin was happy too. Once we finished smoking, we got into what we called The Box. Folks gave us stuff in return for training with Jin, and The Box was Wei-san's contribution, as he was a carpenter by trade. It was the neatest thing. Just a frame big enough to fit a single futon, with short walls on three sides and four legs which made it tall enough to store stuff underneath. The futon was on slats, and the walls around it were comfy to lean against, much better than sitting on the floor.

Anyway, we sat in there just staring at the fire for a long time, our shoulders close but not touching. We didn't talk, but I didn't feel uncomfortable. It was really nice. Then I don't know exactly how it happened, but we turned to each other at the same time. He had this little smile on his face that looked so yummy, I think I might have squeaked or something, and then he pulled me closer and we started kissing.

Oh, it was so wonderful! Mugen's kisses took my breath away—he was always so intense and forceful—but Jin's kisses make me melt on the spot. He's gentle and playful when he kisses me, and he lets me kiss him back, which I really love. So we kissed and kissed, sliding down on the futon so that he was lying next to me, but sort of on top of me too. He had his thigh tucked in between my own, and it was so hard to keep from rubbing myself against him. His weight on me was so nice, so right.

I could feel his fingers trailing around my ear and neck, which made me all shivery. Then his hand slid down to my butt and he grabbed it and pulled my hips closer into his own. It just all felt so good, I couldn't stop moaning. Every little sound he let escape was like a lick you-know-where. The noises he made were making me so horny I couldn't stand it. We'd been doing this sweet grind against each other for a while when it dawned on me. I couldn't feel him. Even though all the layers of clothes we were wearing I figured I should have been able to feel his erection, but there was nothing.

And then I remembered what he'd said that day by the stream: a man's equipment didn't work on opium. My heart sank. Sure enough, after a little while longer, he slid his arms around me and flipped onto his back with me on top of him. I giggled, even though I was bummed, and sat up on his belly. He smiled back at me, and rested his hands on my knees.

"We should stop this, Fuu," he said quietly.

I sighed. I wasn't going down without a fight. "OK," I pouted, "but just one more kiss," lowering my face to his. He smiled and allowed it, and I could feel his hands caressing my backside. It felt very nice. I kept hoping he might move his fingers…you know, a little down and in, but he didn't. I sighed again, and reluctantly backed away.

"Thank you for sharing your opium with me," he said, as I finally got off him.

"You're very welcome," I smiled. Despite my raging horniness, I was floating on cloud nine. I got my bedtime hug and practically ran into my room so I could…um…spend some time with myself. As I lay there, I wondered if he was doing the same. It made me even hornier to think he might be. Oh dear, I was one messed up gal!

So the next few months after our second opium encounter were kind of hard for me. I had hoped after all that making out, Jin would finally decide it was time to stop waiting and turn to me, but he didn't. He was still kind and sweet, and I could tell he was still watching me, but that's as far as it went. I wanted him more and more, and felt more and more guilty about it because I was getting so jealous of Mugen. There were still times when I hoped he wouldn't come back to us. I felt horrible about it. The thing that set it off again was the scar. I saw the scar on Jin's arm one time when he was shaving, freaked out and just lost it.

"What's that on your arm?" I practically shrieked, coming over to get a better look. I saw his hand move to it before his eyes did and watched his fingers caress it. My heart wrenched.

"Um…I asked Mugen to cut it there the day before we parted," he said, finally looking at it. The second he said the word cut my tummy got wonky. _He asked Mugen to cut him?_ From far away it looked like the mark had been inked on, but as I got closer, I could see it _was_ a cut…or had been a cut at one point. It was Mugen's sideways loops, raised up near his inner elbow, and the black line that looked like ink was embedded into his skin somehow.

It made me shudder to see it, and it made me amazingly, intensely jealous as well. I had noticed that Jin had his hand in his sleeve a lot since we found each other again—something I had never seen him do while we were on our journey. Now I understood what was going on. He was doing it right then as we talked, absent-mindedly stroking it with his fingers.

"I cut him with my name too," he finally added, looking all dreamy and wistful. Oh, it just galled me to no end. How come _I _didn't merit a mark? I hated everything about it—what it meant about them, and that they both had one and I didn't.

And then, one night after I wandered into my room to go to bed, I sat in the dark along the back wall and peeked out the door at him. I saw him take off his hakama, fold them, and set them next to his futon. Then he did the same with his kimono. Jin always slept in his juban. But instead of lying down I saw him walk over to where we had Mugen's old gi hanging on the wall. He'd asked me if I would leave it out, and I was fine with that.

He picked it up and held it to his face, obviously inhaling what was left of Mugen's scent. He had his back to me, so I couldn't see his face, but I could tell by the way he slowly sank to his knees how his heart was hurting. He hugged it to his chest and his head came down as he curled into a ball around it in his lap. There was no mistaking the longing he was feeling. Everything in his posture screamed it. It made me wish I'd ripped the thing to shreds or, at least, kept it all to myself and never shared it with him.

It felt as if I was competing with a ghost. It was clear Jin was not ready to stop waiting for Mugen. And it wasn't like I was either…really. In my weaker moments I wondered if it would be so bad if he never came back to us. Most of the time, if I was really honest with myself, I missed him something awful. I did want him back, and not just for my sake but for Jin's too. He seemed to get a little bit sadder every week that went by with no sign of him. I honestly didn't believe I could fill the hole Mugen left in his heart, as much as I wished I could. So I really did want us all back together again, but sometimes it seemed like an impossible dream.

And, in the meantime, there was Jin. Jin when I woke up, Jin when we trained after work, Jin all to myself at night. In so many ways, his growing melancholy just made me want him even more. I wanted to snuggle him and kiss him and make it all better.

So I got stupid, I guess. I was getting more and more obsessed with my nearly virginal state, and feeling really ready to do something about it. And then, with my mind on such things all the time, I found myself thinking about Mugen and Jin doing it. I realized I was afraid of someone Mugen's size going where it was supposed to go, and yet I knew Jin had been taking him where it wasn't supposed to go and the whole idea made me disturbingly horny. How did he do it? Mugen put his finger inside me there once and it felt really weird. I couldn't see how anything bigger would be anything but horrible. Can you believe it? I asked him about it, that's how stupid I was getting.

"Jin, after how bad it was my first time, I was always afraid of Mugen…um…you know, and me. It still feels scary. How did you ever manage to…um…get him inside you?" Yup, I actually asked him.

He looked at me with this helpless expression. "I'm sorry to learn you feel frightened about sex, Fuu, but…" he shook his head and was actually blushing. "I don't believe I can discuss this with you," he continued. "To tell you how it happened…I cannot be so forthright with you. It is too intimate a matter." He looked so genuinely concerned he was letting me down, I felt bad. I was just being naughty. I figured if I couldn't actually have sex with him, I could at least talk sex with him. He was in earnest when he continued, though:

"Honestly Fuu, you shouldn't worry about such things. Women's bodies…well, they birth babies after all. When the time comes, with the right preparation, it will be fine." He was blushing even more, but he was being so sweet I just wanted to hug him to death. I was really touched by his concern.

"Thank you, Jin," I said. "You've made me feel better. I appreciate your help." He looked at me gratefully and then jumped up and headed out to the privy. That was my clue that the audience with m'lord was over for the evening. I knew he'd come in and start his bedtime routine, so I went ahead and started my own, hoping I'd have better luck next time.

So my life went on in a similar crazy pattern. I realized it was almost six months since Jin and I bumped into each other. I couldn't believe it. It was a good thing my job kept me so busy or else I would have probably gone quietly insane. The girls there were the best diversion from my crush on him, so I was very grateful, especially for Yunta. She was such a fun person to know. I really liked her a lot. She was always bringing in something yummy to share with everyone, and she'd often bring in stuff just for us.

"Give this to Shinshi, Wakana-sai," she would say, even though I knew it was really for me. It was so sweet! It helped so much to have friends. And I must say, after listening to them all giggle and gossip every day, I began to realize that my feelings for Jin were totally normal. They were always going on about the latest crushes in their own lives, so why shouldn't I have one too? I stopped feeling so bad about it and started doing stupid things again.

One morning I made sure I wasn't quite done dressing when he came inside from doing his kata. He walked in the door and stopped short, his mouth open. OK, so nothing was showing but my bare shoulders, but it felt so deliciously naughty to do it, I couldn't stop myself. I quickly pulled my kimono up, apologizing, and he visibly relaxed and we got on with our day.

About a week later I tried it in the evening this time. I was just in my juban when he got back from the bathhouse. I was having happy fantasies of him walking in, seeing my luscious self and sweeping me off my feet into bed. Oh well. It didn't happen. All it did was make him uncomfortable and we had an awkward night because of it. You'd think a girl would get a clue, eh? Nope.

Then came the fateful night. Maybe if he had said something before—if he had asked me why I was acting so stupid—I could have stopped myself, but I honestly don't know. Anyway, I cringe to admit that the last time I played this game I was waiting for him to come home from the bathhouse in my juban again. Untied this time. Oh, I don't know what's wrong with me! He opened the door and I turned to him, making sure it was parted all the way down, just a little bit. I saw desire flicker across his face for a moment. But then, to my horror, came the scowl.

"Fuu," he said forcefully. "I am not a eunuch. Please stop treating me like one."

And with that, he turned on his heel and walked out the door. I totally freaked out. I stayed up as long as I could manage waiting for him to come home, but he never did. When I woke up the next morning, I was still alone.

to be continued


	7. Chapter 7

**Wanderings, VII**  
by Laura Bryannan

"_Please Mugen, do sit down." Well what could I say to that? I sat down. He eyed me in this thoughtful way, and I couldn't help but fidget. Damn him! "Well, my friend," he finally said, "we've been playing an interesting game for months now. What do you say we take some time to get to know each other better?" _Oh no!_ I took a deep breath, and tried to figure out how to answer him…. _

"Uh…get to know each other better?" I stalled. I felt trapped in the little room that served as his quarters, so close to him and his bed—he had an actual bed built into the hull, not a hammock like the crew—which was practically within arm's reach. I started getting panicky.

"Yes, Mugen. We're heading north again, as you know, and it will only be a few more months until we reach Ryukyu. So I feel time is short. I've noticed your interest and, for a man my age, it's been very flattering coming from one so young. I've appreciated it very much."

I nodded and looked him in the eye, my heart pounding. "I could say the same," I admitted. "I've been flattered by your interest, and it's done me a lot of good to have it."

"And yet?" he asked, eyeing me in that you-must-tell-the-truth way he had.

"I don't know," I began. "I think you're totally hot, but for some reason I want something more from you than…um…that. It ain't cuz I don't want you. Maybe it's cuz I _do_ want you. I don't really understand it myself." That was honestly the best I could figure it, so I hoped it would be enough.

He smiled ruefully. "Ah yes," he sighed. "I believe I do understand. Such is the curse of middle age. I serve as a surrogate father to more than one person aboard this ship, and perhaps it's for the best. But a man can dream, eh? It's been nice to feel so appreciated. Your attention…it's done me a lot of good to have it, as well."

I was totally amazed to hear him say such a thing. I would never have believed it in a million years. _Me? Do _him_ any good? Just by liking him?_ I didn't get it, but it was great to hear. "Can't we just keep going the way we were?" I asked hopefully. It didn't seem like he was gonna try to talk me into fucking him, or force me into fucking him, or anything like that. It was kinda beyond my experience, so I needed to be sure.

"Yes," he replied. "Let's keep going the way we were. I treasure your regard, and don't want to lose it." You know, the second he said it I got bummed. Can you believe it? He obviously noticed. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Uh…I'm not sure. I guess there's a part of me that's been waiting for you to force me, and now that you're not going to…."

He shook his head. "No Mugen. If that's what you need from me, I cannot give it to you. Being with a man…that's enough of a sin in the faith of my fathers. To force you…I could not do it. I honestly can't believe that's really what you want. But, in any event, I am here. You know my feelings. If you should change your mind before you leave the crew, you know where to find me."

And with that, he stood up and indicated I was free to go. I had this moment of pure weakness, where it took all my willpower not to throw myself against that massive chest of his. He watched me hesitate with this little smile, but didn't take advantage of it. The moment passed, and I nodded to him gratefully.

"Thanks," I said, opening the door. I took a deep breath and looked at him once more. "I've always been impressed by you. I guess I'm even more so now." And then I took off before I lost my self-control.

So that's how it went. I kept waiting for him to start giving me the cold shoulder or something because I turned him down, but he never did. He kept on paying attention to me and I kept on appreciating it. I kept on lusting after him from a distance, and he didn't make me come any closer. If anything, it got better between us. Now that things were out in the open and I stopped feeling scared he was gonna force me, I stopped tiptoeing around him so much.

The only bad thing was as we spent more time together, Cristo's attacks got more and more nasty. I kept putting up with it cuz he was the captain's pet, and cuz I could relate to how he prolly felt. If I'd had someone like Captain Nunes in my life when I was five…. It was weird cuz I was five when my ma died. So I could really relate to how the kid wouldn't want his lifeline to be hanging with someone else. But finally he went too far. The last attack was the worst, of course.

The fateful day began like any other…almost. I got up and started hearing guffaws and snorts all around me. My brain turned on enough to notice that everyone was looking at me—eyes big, most smiling, but some looking downright apprehensive, like they were thinking, _oh shit, what's he gonna do about this one?_

So I got it. Cristo did something to me. I looked down at my clothes and they were OK, so what the fuck? I saw Kuru pointing to his head, and then he ran his hand through his hair. I did the same, and there was none there! I yelled a few choice curses and everyone cracked up. I felt my head and could tell that he'd chopped almost half my hair off to practically nothing. I was totally pissed.

"Cristo!" I bellowed. Anyone on the ship coulda heard me. The guys around me were all pointing toward the bow, so off I went. I found him hiding behind Captain Nunes, who took one look at me and cracked up too. I just stood there with my arms crossed, waiting for him to stop. He finally cleared his throat, still grinning.

"I believe it's time for that thrashing I spoke to you about," he said.

I could see the freaked out look on Cristo's face when he heard the news and smiled at him wickedly. "Yeah, you're right. But I want you to do it," I demanded.

His eyebrows raised and he thought about it for a few seconds, then nodded. "All right. Cristo come here," he said, and then spoke to him some more in his own language. Cristo wasn't having any of it, so he grabbed the kid's arm and dragged him to where he could sit down on a box and haul him over his lap. Cristo was not excited about this idea, of course, and was hollering and carrying on even before the first swat hit his ass.

The captain gave him a dozen wallops—I counted—each smack sounding throughout the ship, drawing more and more of a crowd. Cristo screamed his protests, and I almost felt sorry for him by the time the captain was done. He didn't go lightly on him, that's for sure. When it was over, he was bawling and begging my forgiveness. I gave it. No skin off my nose. The damage was already done. Captain Nunes sat there and held him, talking to him quietly, so I left him to it and went to find the barber. I figured there was nothing I could do but chop the rest of it off so it was all the same length.

So that's what happened. The barber got out his straight edge and shaved my head. It felt really weird, let me tell ya. I felt naked and ugly. My hair, as crazy as it was…well I always liked it. Now I didn't have any. It really pissed me off. It took a few days before everyone stopped rubbing my head too, which got really old after about the third time. Cristo left me alone after that, though, so I guess it was worth it. And it was really satisfying to watch the captain thrash him, for lots of reasons. I added the scene to my list of jack-off and blowjob fantasies, although sometimes _I_ was the one over the captain's knee.

Yeah, after a few months I was finally feeling up to whoring again, and since I had money, there was no reason not to. My gut wounds really put me out of business for a while. Cumming was not any fun for way longer than I was happy about. I couldn't even do it myself without it hurting like a bitch in there. But when things finally healed enough, I'd join the others when we put into port and have some fun. I'd always tell the madam I didn't care what they looked like, I just wanted the girl or boy who sucked cock the best. I've never fucked a whore in my life. Fucking is hard work, and whores ain't worth the effort. I ain't gonna pay someone to bust my ass servicing 'em, that's for sure.

"If you take your time and do me right, I'll tip you real good," was my standard line. Then I'd lay back, close my eyes and pretend it was Jin doing it, or Fuu, or even Captain Nunes. After one of his attacks, it was satisfying to imagine Cristo on me, the little shit. My lovers did things in my fantasies they would never do in real life, but that's what fantasies are for, right? If the whore was willing to rim me, I always imagined it was Jin. It was my only complaint about him as a lover. I liked doing it, and I liked getting it back, but he didn't like doing it so I was screwed. I'd think of that long tongue of his working its way up my ass and my guts would melt. I had to watch it with those fantasies, though, cuz I'd cum too fast sometimes.

I'd imagine Fuu all hot and bothered after I'd been eating her out for a while and I'd plow myself into her from the front, behind, upside down and sideways. I was always fucking her senseless in my fantasies. Sometimes I'd imagine her sitting in front of me, legs spread wide, touching herself while I watched. I was never able to talk her into masturbating in front of me, although I tried more than once. She was a hussy in my fantasies, though, and I had lots of fun thinking about her doing things to me, and to Jin too. It was even hot to think of him doing her. I knew he wasn't into giving women head, so maybe that's why I liked to imagine his face between her legs. And, when I was feeling really wicked, I'd think of her in between us both. That was probably the hottest fantasy of all. He'd be up her ass and it would make her so goddamn tight I could hardly move. I'd fuck her and be thrusting against his cock inside, turning us all on at the same time. Man oh man. That was one fantasy I would love to see happen in real life.

Once I had this whore who was really talented at finger fucking…almost as good as Jin. She was doing a nice job on my cock too, making it last a long time, and I found myself thinking about what it would have been like if I'd let the captain fuck me with that huge dick of his.

"Put another finger in me," I told her. She did, and the stretch felt great. _Oh yeah, do it, do it_, I was saying to him in my head.

"Another," I demanded. She raised her head and looked at me doubtfully. "Come on, do it," I repeated, so she finally did. She wasn't a tiny girl, so this time it was painful, but it only added to what was happening in my fantasy. His cock woulda hurt way more than that, I was sure. Anyway, I was so swept away by my thoughts I got a little kooky.

"Push bitch," I told her. I guess no one likes being called a bitch, even a whore, so she really shoved her fingers in there and I screamed, but not just in pain. The whole thing set me off like a firecracker, and I came and came. It was perfect. When I opened my eyes, she was giving me a wary look, like I might slug her or something. I gave her a hunk of extra money on my way out the door and she squealed in delight.

"My name's Yue, sir. Ask for me again," she called after me. It was too bad we were sailing that night, or I woulda most definitely hunted her down for another go.

So, yeah, after a few months I was feeling mostly myself again, which was good. I had a bunch more scars to show for my troubles, and the ones on my face were prolly never gonna go away. But they were cat-like which I thought was kinda cool, so I didn't care about them too much. I could always tell when it was gonna rain because my left hand would start aching and bothering me when the weather got iffy. It got messed up pretty bad in that last fight with those asshole brothers, and healed kinda funky. Thank god it wasn't my right, that's all I kept thinking to myself.

My time as a crewmember of the Brightness was almost over. Captain Nunes asked if I would consider staying on, but my guts were telling me I couldn't, so I had to say no. But something interesting happened before we got to Ryukyu. Something kinda weird, but only when I look back on it. I didn't think anything about it at the time.

We were gambling in port one night and I was having the best luck. One guy I kept beating was out of money but didn't want to stop, so he offered up his kimono as collateral. Normally I would have told him to go fuck himself, but we were heading north again and it was getting colder and I didn't have any warm clothes. It was a really cool black one and he was my size, so I decided to take him up on the bet. Well, I won, so he had to pony it up. I stuck it with all my stuff, figuring I'd complete the outfit later.

When we finally put into Ryukyu it was the middle of spring. We'd spent the entire winter in the tropics, and we all looked it compared to the pale skinned crowds at the docks. My skin was way darker than it usually was. The captain called me into his quarters and asked me one more time if I'd stay with the crew as they headed up to Chukchi province in northeastern Muscovy. It was the run they did every year, he said, sailing as far north as they could and then as far south as they could, buying and selling all along the way. I told him no one more time, and he nodded and sighed.

"I've gotta look for my friends," I said. "But maybe if I don't find them…. When will you be back in Ryukyu?"

"In approximately five months time," he replied. "When you get yourself settled somewhere, leave word how you can be reached with the Portmaster, and I'll send someone to find you. You've been an asset to this crew, Mugen, and I'll be sorry to lose you." I was sorry to leave him too, that's for sure, especially since I had no idea whether my guts were right that I'd find Jin and Fuu in Ryukyu or not. We looked at each other in that eensy room of his for a bit and then he obviously steeled himself for something and cleared his throat.

"Come and give us a kiss, my boy. Just this once," he said. I was curious enough to risk it, so I let him gather me up and raised my face to his. Oh god, he was good at it. He tasted strange to me, of the weird stuff he liked to drink and smoke—brandy and coffee and this stuff called tobacco he put in a pipe—but it was still the hottest thing that had happened to me in a really long time, so I just kinda lost it for a while. I could feel that…thing…in his pants pressing against my belly and everything in me screamed to suck it, but I didn't give in, despite the tightness in my own pants. I just let him kiss me until he finally backed away with another sigh. We were both kinda breathless.

"Hmmm, maybe I should have asserted my captain's rights sooner," he said, looking so lusty I could barely stay standing.

"Uh, maybe you should've," I agreed. Then I shook my head to clear it of all those dangerous thoughts. "Um…thank you for everything. I was like Cristo too," I told him. "On the streets when I was five after my ma died. No one ever came and rescued me, though. Cristo's a lucky kid. You kinda rescued me anyway, by how you treated me while I was here. I won't forget it."

That seemed to bring him back to himself, and the wild, kinda smoky look in his eyes went away. He pulled me into his arms again and we hugged each other for a moment, then he turned his back to me. "Goodbye, my friend," he said. "I wish you all the best, and hope we'll meet again one day." I nodded, even though he didn't see me, and took off. Then I gathered my things, said goodbye to the crew, and left the ship.

It was almost June, but it was still pretty cold when I hit the streets of Ryukyu. I found an inn, dumped my stuff, and went looking for some warmer clothes. I bought a pair of black hakama, believe it or not, to go with my new kimono. I even got a juban, wondering at myself for going all Japanese. When I got back to my room I pulled the kimono out of my sack to take a better look at it and got a shock. In the daylight I could see it wasn't black at all, but very dark blue.

I kinda freaked out for a while. _Me? Wear his color?_ I didn't have any choice, but it took a few days before I got used to the idea. After a while, though, I really started to like it. Anyway, it was a good thing I spent so much time untying Jin those months we were together, or I would never have known how to get everything on, but I finally managed it. It felt heavy and strange to be wearing so many clothes, but it sure was warm! That, all by itself, made it worth the hassle.

So I spent a few weeks wandering around town, and every day that went by made me more and more convinced I was a stupidass fool for leaving the Brightness. It dawned on me that even if Jin and Fuu were both here, I had no way of ever finding them. Ryukyu was a big city. They could be anywhere. I knew I should have been trying to find a job and stuff, but I just wasn't up for it. The idea of busting my ass looking for work was too depressing, and I was depressed enough. I decided to try and find somewhere to stay instead, and worry about earning money later.

I ended up taking a room at my favorite brothel. It was cheap, if I didn't mind the noise, the madam said. I didn't, and I didn't mind having company so handy, downhearted as I was. The room was small, but who cared about that? I was there for about a week when I heard some of the girls talking in the next room.

"Where ya off to, Dohzu?"

"I'm taking class, and my last trick made me late."

"Oh, don't tell me you're still trying to learn how to swing a sword around. You're so weird. If you think you're gonna find a way out of this business you're even crazier than I thought. Swords are for men. Your lot in life is to suck and fuck. Deal with it!"

"Shut up Haiya! Shinshi will teach anyone, even a girl like me, and it makes me feel good about myself. Besides, I could look at him all day."

"Oh yeah, he's a looker all right. Gorgeous, I'll grant you that. But he's not into women. In all this time he's never once set foot in any of the local houses. I've asked. And he lives with that boy…showed up here with him, right? They say they're cousins, but who believes that? Get a clue, girl."

"Oh shut up and leave me alone. I'm already late." And then I heard a door slide shut with a bang and footsteps running down the stairs. I grabbed my sword and decided to follow her. _A gorgeous swordsman, huh?_ Living with a boy. Could be interesting. Did I want to find him if he was with someone else? Yeah, I decided I did. I decided whoever he was with would just have to step aside.

So it was worth checking out. She headed down about three or four blocks and into a slightly better part of town. I could see where she was going before she got there, as there was a small crowd standing around the front yard of a little house. I could see bits and pieces of what they were watching in between their bodies—a score of students doing a form in unison. No one was wearing the right blue, though, so I was bummed. I decided to hang out and watch anyway as I didn't have anything better to do.

And then I saw him. It was really him—wearing red, of all damn things! I couldn't fucking believe it. It was a good thing I was standing next to a tree cuz it gave me something to hold on to, but I still lost it anyway, falling to my knees and bawling like a baby. It took a while before I could make myself stop, but when I finally got my shit back together I moved closer and joined the group watching so I could see better.

He was teaching the class, as it turned out. He'd put on some weight, but that just made him look even better than I remembered. His hair was a lot longer, but otherwise he looked like himself, which was like a fucking angel as far as I was concerned. He looked amazing. And it totally cracked me up that we'd switched colors. I scanned the class, but couldn't tell which one might be the lover the girls at the brothel were talking about. Oh well, it didn't really matter. The guy was gonna be history anyway.

It was interesting to watch him teach. He was good at it, I could tell. The abilities of his students ranged pretty widely, with the most skilled being a handful of old guys. There was this one old Chinese guy he had co-teaching, he was so good. I was impressed. Didn't match my skills, but hey, Jin was the only one who could do that. Anyway, when the class was finally over, I was hoping everyone would leave, but they didn't. Folks kept hanging out talking to each other, asking him questions and stuff. I could see Dohzu standing near him, just staring with this goofy smile on her face. It made me laugh, although I happened to know what a good cocksucker she was, so I was glad he'd never met her professionally. Finally people started to take off, so I thought I'd make a little trouble to see what would happen.

"So, who's the shinshi of this candy-ass dojo anyway?" I called out, keeping my eyes on him, smirking at the gasps and angry murmurs I heard from the people around. His back was to me when I said it, and I saw his body stiffen. Then he jerked around with the most bewildered look on his face I've ever seen. He squinted in my direction, and I realized my hair was too short and I wasn't dressed like he remembered, so I kind of saluted so he could see the tattoos and more gasps went up from the crowd. His mouth opened and he staggered enough that someone near reached out to steady him.

"Mugen?" I heard him whisper. Then he dropped his sword with a clatter and strode over, catching me up in this big bear hug. I hugged him back, of course, laughing my ass off. "I don't believe it, I don't believe it…" he kept saying. I couldn't believe it either. He'd been working out, and he smelled _good._ Then it hit me—it was really him! I didn't believe it till I got my hands on him. I was feeling like I was gonna start crying again when he pushed me away and, in front of god and everybody, grabbed my face and kissed the shit outta me.

Oh man, it was good. A whole bunch of stuff messing around inside me started to calm down. That he was kissing me right there in front of his students, his neighbors, maybe even his lover…he was telling me a lot by doing it, and it made me feel great. Plus it was just so fucking sweet. Despite the red kimono, he smelled right. He tasted right. I'd actually found him! I couldn't fucking believe how lucky I was! I wasn't gonna stop kissing him myself, he was gonna have stop first. Finally, maybe after he started noticing the buzzing gossip around us like I did, he let go of me and we looked at each other. The smile on his face made my knees weak. Then he turned to our audience, still hanging onto me.

"Everyone, this is Mugen. My partner. He's been away for a long time, and I'm very happy to have him back." He turned to me again, apparently unconcerned about all the open mouths and google eyes on the faces around us, and looked me up and down with a satisfied nod. "It suits you," he decided. "You look even more amazing than I remember." He ran his hand through my hair, looking all wistful. It was barely over an inch long by then. "Hmmm," he said, but didn't ask anything more. And then, before I even realized what I was doing, I was reaching inside his sleeve for my name on his arm. He did the same to me. When my fingers found it—felt the raised skin of the lines just how mine was—my guts did a flip.

"Do you regret it?" he asked.

"Never," I replied.

His eyes got all misty for a moment and then he sighed. "I have to attend to these people. It's what I do every day. Do you mind?" I was cool with that and told him so. He nodded and turned back to them. Partner, he said. He just came right out and said it to everyone without a second thought. I liked it. I liked it a lot.

I could see one of his students crumpled up in a heap on the ground, shoulders shaking, looking like he was crying, and figured it must be the lover. _Tough titties_, I thought. _Move over puppy dog, big cat's back in town._ I'd see Jin look over at the kid every so often, but it didn't seem to be in sympathy, which I thought was kinda interesting. In fact, I'd have been willing to bet money he seemed angry with him or something. But who cared? There was only one unanswered question as far as I was concerned. Did he ever bump into Fuu? When the wondering got too much, and he was still jawing away, I wandered over to see what he knew. Ignoring their frowns, I pulled him away from the two guys he was talking to.

"So you never found her, huh?" I asked. He looked surprised, which was weird, and then he looked over at puppy dog in a heap and kind of harrumphed, which was weird. He walked over to the kid, still frowning, indicating I should follow.

"Mugen, you remember Fukashi, don't you?"

"Fuu…kashi?" I wondered for half a second, then thought maybe I got it. He was pulling puppy dog up by his shoulders and I saw. Absolutely un-fucking-believable! It was her. In boy's clothes! All red-faced and pitiful, as she'd been crying since I arrived, I realized. He scooped her up and plopped her into my arms. Then the reality of the situation hit me—he wasn't angry with some kid I didn't know, he was angry with…Fuu! _How long had they been together? Were they lovers? Why was he pissed? _

"Why don't you take Fukashi inside and see if you can calm him down a bit?" he said, guiding me in the direction of the house, not giving me a chance to ask him what was going on. "Just save something for me," he whispered close to my ear, tugging on my earring with his teeth before giving me a shove toward the door. I watched him turn back to the handful of students and neighbors still staring slack-jawed, then walked to the house.

I went inside holding a damp and sobbing Fuu who looked all of fucking twelve years old. She was really cute as a boy, I saw that right away. No wonder something was up with Jin. I wondered whose idea it was and how long she'd been running around like that.

As I stepped inside the first thing I noticed was me! There I was on the mantel over the hearth. I started laughing. It was one of Jin's drawings, I could tell by the style of it. It felt like a good welcome home, I guess. The place wasn't big, but it was big enough. There was a hearth on the left hand wall and this bed thing on the right, so I sat down on that with her on my lap. She snuggled her face into my neck and cried her eyes out.

"Oh Mugen, oh Mugen…" she kept repeating in between her sobs. She wasn't crying just cuz she was happy to see me, I could tell that much. There was something else going on. She was really upset about something. I didn't know what the hell to do about that, though, so I just held her and waited for her to cry herself out. Finally she stopped, blew her nose in her hanky and looked at me.

"Hey," I smiled. I could tell she was gonna start crying again, so kissed her hoping to stop it from happening. It did. She put her arms around my shoulders and we kissed and kissed. She tasted right too. It kinda did me in to realize they were both here. I'd finally found them! It made me so happy _I _almost started crying again, so I made out with her until we were both feeling more horny than cry-ful. I broke the kiss when I got too curious.

"What's with the boy's clothes?" I asked. She giggled and told me about her time alone in Nagasaki. I couldn't fucking believe she lived in Nagasaki all by herself! Then she told me how she met Jin there, the strange coincidence that bumped them into each other, and I thought that was pretty fucking amazing. They'd been living together here in Ryukyu for almost six moths, she told me, and it had been her own choice to continue pretending to be a boy. She said she felt safer that way, and I guess it made sense. I'd just never thought about it before. She tossed out their new family name, and that they were both working for the same man in the business district a few blocks away.

"Jin started teaching me how to use my wakazashi in the backyard when we first moved here," she continued. "But as you can see, it's turned into that…" She pointed at the front yard. "…every evening. Jin loves it. He's in his element. It's a little harder for me." She looked down and shuddered, then took a deep breath. "I don't like sharing him," she whispered, and then everything made sense. She was in love with him, and he was…what? He was _something_ with her…more than he was before. That much was obvious. I decided to see what I could find out.

"So…Fukashi. What's up with you and Jin?" I figured why not just go for it? She looked at me for a second, then buried her face in her hands and started crying again. OK. Definitely something up there. I felt this little twinge of something…maybe jealousy, maybe not. And then he finally walked in. He saw her crying and he looked wary, not sympathetic. OK. I ventured again, "So, I was just asking Fukashi here what's up with the two of you?"

'Ah, I see," he said. I waited for him to say something more, but he didn't. Fuu, however, was blowing her nose again and pulling herself together.

"Oh, Mugen," she finally blurted out. "Jin is angry with me because I came onto him last night and if he'd played my stupid game like I wanted him to and then you showed up here today after we've been good for so long…well it just about makes me want to kill myself." And with that, she lay her head on my shoulder and I could feel her sobbing again.

Jin was chuckling, though. I was trying to take in what she said. She came onto him last night. That sounded interesting, but not surprising. Fuu had a crush on him before we split. They'd been good. That sounded very OK, because something was definitely up with Jin. He was pleased with what she'd just said. He wasn't angry anymore. Then he sat down next to us and confirmed it.

"Thank you for being so honest, Fuu," he said, and she raised her head and faced him for the first time since the three of us got back together. I felt it the second their eyes met. He was into her! He was fucking into her! I was really surprised and a little taken aback. I'd never had to compete for his attention before, and I wasn't exactly excited about the idea of doing it now, but there it was staring me in the face. The air around us was getting a little tense when he stood up.

"Why don't I head downtown and bring us back something to eat," he said. "It would give the two of you a chance to…catch up."

I could tell he didn't really want to do it, but I took him at his word. I looked at her and grinned. "You wanna fuck?" I asked, only half jokingly.

"No way," she declared, sounding like how I remembered her. "I'm hungry. Let's _all_ go downtown and get something to eat." Me and Jin looked at each other. He was rolling his eyes, but smiling. I nodded, smiling back. Seemed like old times. "Come on you two," she ordered, jumping off my lap and heading toward the door. I moved to follow her and he stepped in behind. Before I got to the door his arms came around me and I felt his teeth biting into my collar bone. Damn it hurt, but you-know-what came to attention right quick. Yeah, it seemed like old times. I finally made it home.

end


End file.
